


Heal

by 1_Lucy_1



Series: The Soldier's Girl [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Action, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship/Love, Light Angst, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-16
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-02-17 15:33:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 41,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2314553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1_Lucy_1/pseuds/1_Lucy_1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>- SEQUEL TO 'BROKEN' -<br/>(Set one year later)</p>
<p>Alex and Bucky are apart, but a revelation about a new threat will force them back together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_One year later ~~_

 

 

Bucky walked out of his room, intending to head towards the gym for his morning workout; the past year all he'd done was keep himself busy - workouts, missions, anything he could do, he did because it stopped him dwelling on his thoughts or living in his memories.

He had become closer to Steve again, it felt like it always had between them and he had even discovered a friend in Sam. They had become quite the team, a three musketeers of sorts and between them they could defeat almost anything put before them. Bucky felt more like the man he used to be than he had in a long time.

But, as he walked down the hall towards the gym, he heard voices coming from inside one of the other rooms. It was Fury, Sam and Steve, so they had to be discussing a mission. _So why did no one wake him?_

Walking inside, he found all eyes on him and the talking abruptly stopped. "Hey, Buck." Steve smiled brightly in an attempt to reassure him.

"Hey," he replied warily. "What's going on?"

"We were discussing a new problem." Fury muttered, causing Steve to direct a rather harsh look at his superior, which was just shrugged off.

However, this only served to make Bucky more concerned, "What new problem?"

"It doesn't matter," Steve said, hard eyes still glued on Fury.

"If it doesn't matter, then why aren't you telling me?"

Steve lips tightened as though he was trying to stop the truth from escaping. "Maybe we should just tell him?" It was Sam's turn to cut in.

Bucky was getting more and more impatient as this went on - someone needed to tell him and they needed to tell him now. "Captain Rogers doesn't seem to think that you're the man for this job, but I happen to disagree."

Steve sighed, "I didn't say that, it's just I don't know whether you'd want to do it."

"Why? What is it?"

 

Alex stared at her reflection in the mirror as she applied her lipstick. The red colour reminded her of the worn painted star on-- no, she was getting ready for a date, she wasn't thinking about him.

This is what she had been doing for pretty much the last year - every time her thoughts would stray to Bucky, she would stop herself.

Well, most of the time.

Admittedly, the first couple of months were hard. There was tears, soppy movies and A LOT of ice cream, the usual break up aftershocks. But then, when Alex actually felt like she could be bothered to go outside in anything other than sweats, she started to look for a job. And thankfully the interviewer for this one _didn't_  work for a secret nazi organisation, so she took that as a good sign.

So now, a year later, everything felt like it was starting to get back to normal again. The only thing left to remind her of her time with Bucky was the bullet wound in her abdomen that, though healed, did present certain difficulties when it came to wardrobe choices.

Like when it came to choosing an outfit for tonight.

Originally, Alex had picked out a dress that she had bought a long time ago that was black and had panels of chiffon around the middle. When she brought it, it had made her feel great, but now all she could see through the thin chiffon was her scar and all that made her think of was Bucky. So, needless to say, the dress choice changed.

In the midst of her curling her hair, Alex heard a knock at the door. That can't be him already, our date isn't for another couple of hours, she thought as she walked over to the door, hair still wrapped around the curling iron. She opened the door and nearly burned herself, as she dropped the curling iron to the floor. "Bucky."


	2. Chapter 2

The metal extremity reached down to the floor, picking up the iron and handing it back to Alex, who turned it off and returned it to it's holder. "Hi." He said meekly, bright blue eyes peeking through dark locks.

"What are you doing here?" Alex asked when she was finally able to recover the gift of speech.

Bucky swallowed, "We need to talk."

_Now? NOW we need to talk?_ "What needs saying now that wasn't said a year ago?"

"This isn't about us," he sighed. "Well, not completely." Alex just continued to stare at the man in her doorway, not quite able to believe that he was actually doing this now. "Can I just come in and talk to you?" Bucky continued, a little uncomfortable.

She ushered him inside just enough to be able to close the door. "I can't tonight, I've got a date." Alex spoke quickly, hoping somehow she'd feel better being able to get it over quickly.

"A date?" Bucky had to admit, it took him by surprise. He'd never thought about the fact she might have moved on. But now he realised how stupid that was - of course she'd moved on, it had been a long time. "Have you got...a boyfriend?" He asked, not particularly looking forward to the answer.

For some reason, the way he asked this served to make Alex want to slap him. She didn't, but it was close. "Okay, you don't get to come in here acting like the injured party. _You_ sent _me_ away, remember? I haven't seen or heard from you in a year!" His eyes went to the floor so fast you would've thought he was a child being chastised.

Bucky wanted to know more, but he didn't want Alex to be mad at him. "So, erm, how long have you and..."

"Jake." She filled in the blank.

"...been dating?"

"A month."

"Oh, okay." _Not long._ The fact comforted him, if only a little. But, as much as he tried, he just couldn't stop himself. "And have you...y'know?"

Alex's mouth fell open. _Did he seriously just ask that?_ "I really don't think that's any of your business anymore." She said incredulously. She hadn't slept with Jake, (largely to do with her scar and the story that would explain it) but she wasn't about to tell Bucky that.

"No you're right, I'm sorry." Bucky shook his head, brushing some hair from his face and clearing his throat. "But I really have to talk to you."

"Then talk."

He leant against the kitchen counter, "It's not exactly a five minute kind of thing."

Alex sighed, "Well, then--" she was about to tell him that he'd have to come back when she heard her cell phone ring. "Hello?"

_'Hey it's Jake. I was just calling to check if we were still on for tonight'_

Her eyes went to Bucky, still leaning on the counter and biting his thumbnail. She needed to get this over with or he'd keep coming back. And the shock of him turning up again like he had could kill her.

"I was just gonna call you - my dad's been rushed to hospital, they think it's his heart. So, y'know I really think I should be with family right now." Alex lied, careful not to make eye contact with the man in her kitchen as she spoke.

_'Oh my god. Yeah, of course you should. We'll rain-check - do it when your dad's better.'_

"Yeah, thanks for being so understanding. And I'm sorry it's such short notice."

_'You don't have to apologise, it's not your fault. Look after yourself, Alex. I love you, babe.'_ Jake was sweet, and she didn't want to lie to him, but explaining would be a lot more complicated.

"Thanks, me too." Alex liked Jake, but she wasn't ready to drop the L-word in there yet. And okay, she'd known him a lot longer than she had Bucky - but it was different with them, they went through a lot. She hung up the phone only to look up and seeing Bucky smirking at the floor.

He brought his eyes up, "Cancelling plans with your boyfriend? Maybe you're not over me after all."

"Or maybe I'm just trying to get rid of you as fast as I can." Alex moved to the couch, motioning for Bucky to sit.

For a while they sat in silence, Alex waiting for Bucky to talk and him not wanting to rush into anything. "So I take it he doesn't know about your parents?" He asked.

"I told you before, its not something I just tell people." Alex said quietly.

"You told me." Bucky said softly, with a smile that almost made Alex forget the last year.

_Almost._ "To stop you having a panic attack." She brushed it off. "Are you gonna tell me what you came here for?"

Bucky sighed heavily, he clearly hoped to find out more about what she had been doing for the past year. "You need to come with me."

"Hang on a second - I thought you just wanted to talk to me?"

"Fury needs to talk to you about something." He said, unable to look her in the eye.

But if anything, this just made Alex more confused. "Then why are you here and not him?"

He raised a brow, "Because he doesn't make house calls, Alex." Though she was a little baffled still, Alex couldn't ignore that hearing Bucky say her name again after all this time still made her heart skip a beat. "We have to go to him."

She stood, so as not to be taken in any more - the fact he referred to them as 'we' struck a nerve. "Seriously?! You're the one who sent me away - or have you forgotten that? After all, it has been a year."

"Don't be like that," He sighed, understanding that she must have been angry with him. "You're not safe here Alex."

Her eyes widened incredulously at his admission, "Really? Because we've been here before. I'm not safe _with_ you, I'm not safe _without_  you - what is it gonna take Bucky?"

"I don't know," he said honestly, standing and moving towards Alex. She stood, lips pursed, looking anywhere but at him. So, slowly Bucky reached out and wrapped his fingers around hers and though she left her hands in his for a moment, Alex pulled away when reality hit her. "I think you should leave." She murmured, turning away from Bucky's hurt eyes.

There was quiet behind her, "What about Fury?" He asked quietly.

Alex turned back when she was sure that she had regained her composure, "If Fury wants to talk to me, he can come here himself."

Bucky nodded, a tight smile flashing across his lips. They walked back to the door and before he left, Bucky turned back, "Goodbye Alex." He said, closing the door behind him.

It was only then that Alex was hit by the crushing reality of the fact that that was the first time he had said 'goodbye' to her.


	3. Chapter 3

For the rest of the evening Alex had just sat still on the couch, trying hard to process everything that had happened. She'd just started getting over Bucky after a year of trying and then he just turns up out of the blue. He certainly had timing - she would've laughed if she weren't so befuddled.

Bucky came to her wanting to talk about something, then he wanted her to go to Fury. As if she had nothing else to do. But the thing that had really struck Alex was how quickly Bucky seemed to have given up after she'd said no; he'd never given up on anything that quickly before. _Except me_ , she thought bitterly, before immediately shaking the thought from her head.

By the next morning it all seemed like she'd dreamt Bucky's visit, nothing had changed, nothing was out of place. _Maybe I did imagine it._

Nevertheless, Alex got up and headed off to work as she always did. She worked in a florist, mostly just because they were the only place to accept her, but it was a nice, calm job and the shop was fairly busy most days, so it took her mind off everything. And today Alex was especially glad of that fact.

"How did the date with Jake go?" Sarah, the woman who owned the florist, asked her. She was older than Alex, but she was kind and she never judged anyone for anything.

"It didn't." Alex mumbled, putting her head in her hands.

Sarah's tone became very protective, "Did he cancel on you?" The way she asked made it seem like if he had she was ready to go say something.

"No," Alex shook her head, "I cancelled on him."

"Why, sweetheart?" Her gentle southern voice made Alex smile, "I thought you liked Jake."

She swallowed, "I do. It was just...well," If she couldn't talk to Sarah about this, who could she talk to? "My ex showed up." It was the most simple way she could put it.

"And?" Sarah's eyes sparkled; she loved when Alex talked about this sort of thing.

"Don't look at me like that," Alex chuckled, "He just wanted to talk."

"Hon, they all wanna talk till they don't." She stood, placing a vase under the counter. "What did he wanna talk about?"

Alex looked at her, "Doesn't matter," she shook her head. There was no way to simplify that part.

"Oh, you gonna clam up on me now?" The younger woman just smirked as the older looked incredulously at her. "Fine. You may not be going on any dates, but I am, so - get." She shooed Alex out of the door.

"Bye, Sarah," she laughed as the door was closed behind her.

 

As she settled down for an evening in front of the TV, there was a knock at the door. Alex stormed to the door - _if he's come here again I'm going to--_

"Jake!" She said, the wind taken from her sails as she opened the door.

He immediately rushed in, wrapping his arms tightly around her; which Alex had to admit startled her. "Are you okay?"

"Yes?" She replied, a little puzzled.

"How's your dad?"

That cleared it up. Alex put on the best somber face she could as she pulled away. "They said he should pull through." _Come on Alex, if you're gonna lie at least do it consistently._ " I'm going back to the hospital in a little while." She lied. Now was not the time she wanted to spend making up things about a fictional patient.

"Okay. Do you want me to come?" He asked sincerely.

"No," she replied a little too quickly. "It's...still 'family only' at the moment." She recovered.

"Sure," he nodded, placing a kiss on her forehead. "Let me know if you hear anything." Jake put his hand on her cheek briefly before moving back to the door. "Send your family my best." He smiled.

Alex just smiled in response. This felt so wrong, but it was for the best. Or at least that's what she was trying to convince herself anyway. She shut the door, leaning against it. That was when the knocking started again.

If that was Jake insisting that he'd come to the hospital, she was going to have a lot of explaining to do.

"What are you doing here?" Alex asked, opening the door to see Bucky stood there. Right now she couldn't decide whether that was better or worse than if it'd been Jake.

"Was that Jake?"

"What?"

"The guy who just left." He elaborated.

"Are you watching my apartment now?!" Alex asked, a little shocked, though god knows why. It was hardly the weirdest thing Bucky had done.

Bucky shook his head, "No, fury sent me to get you. He really needs to talk to you, Alex. It's important."

"Fine!" She shouted. If anything it was just to stop Bucky talking. If going to Fury was all she had to do, then she'd do it. "But I'm taking my car. I'm not being stuck there."

Bucky nodded as the two of them stepped out of the apartment. "Follow me."

 

Half an hour later, Alex and Bucky were at the base, and though most of it had changed, the room they were meeting in certainly hadn't. But then again, Fury didn't seem like the type to redecorate a lot. They sat in his office with Fury himself, Steve and Sam.

"You're probably wondering why I brought you here Alex." Fury stood, moving around to sit on the front of his desk.

"Little bit, yeah."

He took a deep breath, "It's about your parents."

Alex felt here brow crease, "My parents are dead." She pointed out.

"I know." _How did he--_ she wasn't gonna start asking how Fury knew anything. "And so do Hydra."

"What does hydra have to do with my parents?"

Fury looked at her intensely, "Everything."

"I don't understand."

"They wanted something that your father had."

Alex had a feeling she knew where he was trying to go with this, "Hydra didn't kill my dad - he was sick."

Fury sighed, crossing his arms, "Your father worked as a scientist for S.H.I.E.L.D. He was one of our best."

"He worked for you?" _How did she not know?_

"For almost 20 years." Alex was taken aback by how little she seemed to know about her father's work as Fury continued, "He was working on a serum that - if perfected - would be able to train the body to cure any fatality."

It didn't make sense to her. "So, what - Hydra killed him for it?"

"No." He shook his head, "Alex, as much as your father was one of the best, he had a problem of being overconfident." This didn't sound like the man she knew, but clearly there was a substantial amount that she didn't know. "When he finished the first batch of the serum, he wanted volunteers to test it on - but a drug like that, people didn't want to take the risk. So, he decided to test it on himself."

"And?" Alex asked but had a feeling she knew what answer was coming.

"It had the adverse affect. His health started to deteriorate." It was the first time she saw Fury solemn. "We did everything we could to try to counteract the serum and when that didn't work we tried to slow the effects. But none of it worked and he only asked that we let him live out the rest of his days with the people he loved most."

Alex tried desperately to keep her tears at bay, "What about my mom? Was that Hydra?"

Fury nodded. "When Hydra heard what your father had been working on they tried everything they could to get his notes on the serum. And when trying to hack our databases didn't work, they thought he might have had notebooks or files at home. When they attacked your mother that night, they were after her keys so they could look around." Alex couldn't believe what she was hearing. "The idea being that while you were at the hospital they would look around for anything about the serum." He explained.

It was so much to take in, all this time Alex had thought of Hydra as being the people in Bucky's nightmares when it turned out they should've been the people in her own. They took everything from her and for what? Some science experiment? She couldn't work out whether to be angry, upset or even both. "Why tell me this now?"

"We received some intel that Hydra's looking for a woman in connection with you father's serum, Alex." Steve spoke up. She'd almost forgotten that the rest of them were there. "We have reason to believe that that woman is you."

"Why?" Her eyes focused on the captain.

But Fury was the one with the answers here, "Hydra seem to believe that they have perfected, and enhanced, the serum. But working from the notes that they stole from your father means that they could only use the serum on someone with the same DNA."

Alex looked back to Fury, "How does that even work?"

"Your father's notes from when he tested the affects of the serum tell the resultant changes to his DNA. That's what they worked from, so they would need to test on the same DNA to observe the differences." It almost sounded as though Fury had memorised this, she didn't see him as a man who knew a great deal about science.

"What we want is to keep you safe," Steve began after a moment of quiet had passed. "So, for the time being at least, I think you should come here. That way we know where you are and we can protect you."

But it was all just white noise right now. Alex couldn't think straight here, "I can't do this..." She muttered, standing.

"Alex, we can't protect you if you leave," Fury said sternly.

This made something snap inside of her. _Didn't he realise what he'd said?_ "You just told me that what I knew about my parents' deaths wasn't true and now I have to worry about some psycho organisation experimenting on me! I need time to process that!" Alex went to leave, before turning back to them, "I'm not like you people. I don't deal with this kind of stuff all the time. It was hard enough for me to lose them once; but now hearing that Hydra was behind that - it's like losing them all over again." She spoke in a voice that wavered with anger and unshed tears.

Satisfied that she'd made her point, Alex walked out, relieved not to hear any movement after her as she reached her car. For a while she just sat there, head resting on the wheel as she took long deep breaths to steady the erratic rise and fall of her chest. Alex needed to process everything that Fury had told her. But, if she did that now she would be here all night, slumped in her front seat outside the base. So, when the risk of a panic attack had calmed, she put the key into the ignition and drove back to her apartment with thoughts swirling around in her head.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUTSMUTSMUTSMUT

When she reached her apartment, Alex sank down onto the couch. Had that actually just happened? Did she just find out that Hydra was responsible for the death of her parents? She let her head fall into her hands as the weight of this information fully hit her.

There was a knock at the door. But, Alex wasn't about to answer it - whoever was on the other side could wait. She was dealing with more than enough drama at the moment and if she had to listen to anything else her head might just explode.

Unfortunately, she hadn't locked the door and a few minutes of knocking later, it was flung open dramatically and Bucky stepped inside gun-raised. When Alex raised her head she found that he was slowly lowering his weapon, letting out a heavy sigh when he saw that she was okay. Well, as okay as she could be. "Why didn't you answer the door?" He stared at her open mouthed, but there was no answer. "Alex?"

She stood, still saying nothing, but moving towards Bucky. He was confused and understandably so, he didn't know what Alex was doing and if she was honest neither did she. But, in her moment of confusion Alex stepped into him and her mouth met his as her hand tangled in his hair. He didn't respond immediately and she let her tongue slide against the seam of his lips before he caved and his arms came around her on a swift lift and growl. She could feel the predator in the way he handled her and she moaned raggedly into his mouth causing him to pull back from her.

Bucky stilled looking at Alex, "Are you sure you want this?"

"Right now, I am."

In his mind, Bucky knew that this would probably mean Alex regretting this later - but he still loved her and if this was the only way he could be with her then he could deal with it. She didn't have time to react before he spun her around his mouth claiming hers and backed her into the wall. Alex moaned struggling against the hold he had on her wrists.

Bucky growled his hand slipping down her body as his nose skirted across her throat and jaw. Alex jumped when his hand came into the contact with her and he rubbed her through her clothes. She bucked into his hand causing him to growl and lose his grip on his control slightly. His movement became harder and she moaned into his neck licking up to his ear.

The feel of his stubble and mouth on her throat was a heady feeling and she felt dizzy with all the emotions he was stirring up in her. His hand disappeared from between her legs and she whimpered wanting to be able to feel him.

Arching her hips from the wall she was met with his and he grunted as she rolled her hips against him. He snarled against her throat the more she rubbed herself against his obvious hard on. He spun them suddenly lifting her and dropping his back against the wall and releasing her hands. Without even so much as a grunt Bucky lifted her from the ground and her legs wrapped around his waist as he stood leaned back against the wall.

Alex took her chance and pushed off his jacket and started working to lift his shirt over his head quickly as she continued to roll her hips against his matching his rhythm. The roll of his hips into her as she watched the muscles roll and move around his stomach and his hips caused a deep breathy moan to rock through her chest as his name slipped through her lips. She wanted to feel him, she wanted to taste, touch him. She wanted all of him and wasn't about to let him get away without letting her have it - Alex was being selfish.

Her mouth descended on Bucky's chest and he grunted his grip bruising against her hips. He grunted when she nipped him mixing it with soft licks and light kisses. She smirked and tested the water biting down so much harder that he practically growled.

Alex stepped away tearing her clothes from her body impatiently as her eyes watched him. Bucky kicked his boots off and let his jeans fall from him stepping out of them and stalking towards her. Her mouth was on his instantly as her hands scratched across his back and through his hair.

Bucky walked them across the room and Alex jerked his hair harsher making him groan and he felt her smile against his neck as she repeated the action. Bucky dropped her onto the kitchen counter and jerked her to the edge of the it. He gripped her ankles laying her feet flat at the edge as he forced her legs wide for him. He let his cock slide into Alex, making her gasp, nodding her head.

Leaning down over her he sunk into her feeling each inch as he was encased in her fire. He groaned dropping his head to her chest and breathing in her scent.

Alex whined when he stilled against her buried heavily in her the weight and feeling of him in her almost pushing her over the edge. She lifted her hips into Bucky's with more force than he expected and he grunted driving into her and knocking her back onto the counter.

He lifted his head and she saw him trying to get control of himself and losing. His eyes were dangerous and she swallowed knowing he needed reassurance. She cupped his cheek, "I want this Bucky. I want you." And it was true. Right now, there was no past year, no Jake, just Bucky. Rocking her hips into him again she keened low in her throat at the feeling of him throbbing so deep in her.

The punishing rhythm Bucky had set up for them was making her short of breath with each stroke. She fought to keep her eyes open as she watched the man above her as his eyes took in every aspect of her body. He slowed as his eyes settled on the scar that Alex had gained from her gunshot wound. Bucky pulled out making her wince and leaned down, placing a soft kiss on the mark that she was so conscious of - he looked up and his eyes met Alex's that were wide and shocked by his boldness.

She sat up and span him around suddenly knocking him back on the counter switching out positions with him. She didn't waste anytime climbing back on him and sinking down fully on him as his hands ran all over her skin.

She moaned and started riding him in earnest as she kept him lying flat, placing her hands on his chest. His deep husky groans were echoing around the room and she couldn't take her eyes from Bucky even as he dropped back fully on the counter letting her drink him in.

Alex leaned back on his now bent legs using his legs as support as she moved against him. Bucky was lifting his own hips with a feverish pace that had them both sweating and panting. She watched his body move below her feeling herself flutter around him and feeling him swell in her the closer he got. Bucky sat up, pulling Alex closer to him, skin on skin, their mouths fusing together again.

Alex sucked a breath as she felt the storm of her orgasm crash into her as his name ripped from her throat and she slumped and Bucky snarled and growled his release into her. She heard him talking low to her but she couldn't make out what he was saying yet and moaned feeling him still buried in her.

Cracking her eyes open, Alex met clear blue ones staring back. She could feel his heart thundering against her own as his breathing evened out.

His hand slid up her back supporting her weight as he slid of the counter and set her down. He didn't move from her, "I still love you." His voice was raw and strained, but she heard an undercurrent of emotion she'd never heard before. It was almost like he was reluctantly accepting the fact that he loved her, knowing perhaps that she wouldn't feel the same.

And it wasn't so much that Alex didn't love Bucky, it was that she didn't want to get hurt again. She didn't want to feel happy and have it suddenly torn from her.

They got dressed quietly and Bucky kept trying to catch Alex's eye. He wondered whether he'd overstepped the mark - with he sudden declaration or with the intimate action of kissing her scar. He knew that Alex was grieving and that was the reason she'd needed him, but he just wished that she would talk about it. He worried that the truth of her loss would always tint her eyes in a way that he could never completely remove. But they had burned her anger out for the night together, sating them both in some small way.

Bucky moved Alex to sit on the couch, taking her hands in his, "Are you okay?"

"No," she said simply and truthfully, shaking her head and giving a small tight smile. He could see the tears starting to form.

The pain in her eyes broke him and he pulled her towards him, wrapping his arms around her, "I'm not leaving you."

"You don't need to stay."

"I know, but I want to." He pulled her close, Alex's head resting on his chest. Bucky felt her resist a little at first, but eventually she settled, breathing slowing until she drifted off to sleep. Bucky hoped that someday Alex would be able to love him back again, but right now he was just happy to offer the comfort that she needed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this chapter gets a little heavy with mentions of attempted rape, just as a pre-warning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So glad so many of you are enjoying this fic, I'm just sat here with a big goofy grin when I read your comments. Love you guys! :3
> 
> Enjoy!

Opening his eyes, it took Bucky a moment to remember where he was and how he'd come to be there. But there was something wrong - Alex wasn't with him. He stood quickly, eyes scanning the room, as he listened carefully for any sign of movement in the apartment. There was none. 

But there was a note on the counter:

_'Went to work - Alex'_

That was all she had to say? _After last night - that's it?_ It surprised him, but he wasn't sure why. Bucky knew what it was when it happened - sleeping with him was a distraction from everything else Alex had been dealing with. _And I'm okay with that_ , Bucky thought - well, lied - to himself.

He looked to the clock - _12:05_. Thinking better of staying until Alex returned from work, Bucky put his jacket on and left her apartment.

 

The day passed by Alex in a blur, she barely registered anything that had gone on around her, instead thinking only of the previous night's events. She cheated on Jake and it made her feel terrible - but there was something about being with Bucky that made her feel safe in a way that nothing and no one else could - despite what he seemed to think. She needed to tell Jake...or did she? 

Yes, she did. There was no way Alex would be able to pull off lying about this. But, it would end things between them.

  
_Surely you want to end things with Jake or else you wouldn't have had sex with Bucky_ , her subconscious snapped back. Alex let her head thunk down against the countertop next to the till.

"What's up, sweetheart?" Sarah asked as she brought an order from the back, noticing Alex's current posture.

"Y'know that ex I told you about the other day?" She mumbled, peeking up at the older woman as she lifted her head a little.

Sarah eyed her with concern, "Yes. What about him?"

"I slept with him," Alex practically blurted it out before throwing a hand over her eyes and peeking only when enough time had passed for the other woman to process. 

When she finally did look up, Sarah just seemed puzzled. She started to talk, but then her mouth shut again and Alex felt compelled to fill the silence. "Last night, I found something out about my parents and...well, he was just there and he makes me feel safe and - oh, it sounds so stupid." Her head hit the work surface once again.

But after a little while Alex felt a soothing hand pat her back. "It doesn't sound stupid, darlin'. It sounds like you were upset and you needed him." She paused, gently lifting up Alex head in her hands. "But you're gonna have to tell Jake."

"I know," Alex murmured into the hard wood surface.

"Just call him over tonight and do it quick - like ripping off a band aid." 

"How do you think he'll take it?"

"Oh, it'll be rougher than saddle-less pony ride," Sarah chuckled, "But it'll be worse if you don't tell him."

Alex sighed, "I guess you're right."

"I am. Now get back to work, your sad face is wilting the flowers," she handed Alex a broom.

"Yes ma'am," she chuckled, starting to sweep.

 

For the whole walk back to her apartment Alex tried to think how best to tell Jake what happened. She'd called him during her lunch break and invited him over for dinner, but now she was starting to regret it. _Like a band aid_ , she kept repeating Sarah's words in her head as she walked.

Maybe it would be better to not mention Bucky at all. I could just tell him that I don't feel the same way about him anymore. Everything Alex thought of just made her feel more like the worst person in the world. If there was an award for it, she was definitely going to be one of this year's nominees. 

  
_Why did I invite him for dinner?_ She thought as the oven timer rang. Obviously she couldn't tell him before the meal, but then that meant she had to sit through an entire dinner knowing that at the end of it she'd be breaking up with him. Neither option seemed particularly appetising.

Taking out the pizza, she placed it on a plate, cutting it up before being interrupted by a knock at the door. This is happening way too much for my liking, she sighed internally, bracing herself for what was to come.

"Hey!" She said a little too brightly as she opened the door. "Come in!" The level of fake joy in her voice was akin to that of a Disney princess, and it didn't go unnoticed by Jake who looked at her as if she was having a breakdown as he walked in.

Alex almost bashed her head against the door as she closed it. _Yeah, he definitely doesn't suspect now._

"Are you okay?" Jake asked the inevitable question as they sat down to eat.

"Yeah, I'm fine!" She said, again entirely too happy. Needless to say, he didn't push the issue. 

For the most part, they ate in silence, the occasional exchange of pleasantries, _'how was your day?'_ , etc. but Alex couldn't stop herself from thinking how to break up with him. Jake was a good guy. She couldn't let him think that he'd done anything to ruin this. That was on her.

"I slept with someone else," Alex blurted out before suddenly realising that she'd said it aloud when Jake choked a little on his drink. She sat there wide eyed, waiting for a response to her rather ill-timed confession.

Jake's mouth kept moving, but no sound came out; until he finally managed, "What?"

"I...I slept with someone else."

"Oh, I heard you," he laughed bitterly, "That was more of a 'what - how could you?'" He stood, "And technically, it's not sleeping with someone else when we're not even sleeping together!"

Alex stood, naively hoping that being on the same level as him would somehow calm the situation. "I know, and I am so so sorry--"

"Not as sorry as you're gonna be," he spat angrily, stopping her in her tracks.

"What?"

He gave a small chuckle, "I thought we had something, I was never gonna tell them it was you." He stepped closer to Alex, "But I knew something was wrong when you spun me that crap about your dad being in hospital."

Nothing was making any sense, "How do you-- Wait, tell who?"

"Maybe you're not his daughter if you can't even work that out," Jake sneered, putting a hand on his hip.

This was clearly to make sure that Alex could see the gun tucked into his waistband. Suddenly, it started to make sense, "Hydra?" She spoke in a hushed whisper.

He nodded once. "I take it Fury already got to you?" 

"Yeah, and he's watching the apartment right now, and they're probably on their way to take you in." She lied, "So, I think you should go before they get here."

Jake laughed again, but this time it put Alex on edge, "We both know that's not true, Alex." He moved uncomfortably close to her, "Because I've been watching the apartment. So I know all about you, and the Asset, and fun you had." His voice made her blood run cold as he leaned in. "But I suppose we've got time to have a little fun ourselves before I have to take you to them."

Alex tried to make a run for the door, but his hand clamped around her wrist before she could get away. Pushing her back against the kitchen so hard she knew it would bruise, Jake moved even closer as Alex tried desperately to keep him away, her hands beating against his chest.

"Come on, Alex," He mumbled next to her ear, turning her around and pinning both her hands down in one of his. "I thought you had a thing for the bad guys."

Tears filled her eyes as she tried to push him off her, "Get off me!" She shouted. At this point Alex was even trying to stick her heel into his foot - anything that would stop this. "Get off!"

"Stay still," Jake hissed as he tightened his grip on her hands so much so that the circulation was being cut off. Her heart dropped when she heard him pull down his zipper before his hand roughly pushed up her dress.

Just then she heard a knock on the door, "Alex?" It was Bucky.

She tried to call out, but Jake's hand clamped tightly over her mouth. 

"Alex?!" Bucky sounded a little panicked and she hoped that it was because he'd heard her. 

"Shut up!" Jake spat out  so only Alex could here him.

There was a thudding against the door and moments later it was taken off its hinges and Bucky moved quickly inside, gun raised. 

He froze seeing the position Jake had Alex in and she swore that in that moment you could see the soldier in his eyes. He walked closer to Jake and pointed the gun directly in his face, "Get away from her." He said coldly.

"We found her because of you, Soldier," Jake stepped back, putting his hands up with a sinister smile creeping across his face. Bucky took this chance to look to Alex silently asking if she was okay to which she gave a small nod.

But, while his opposition was distracted Jake made a move for the door. Bucky's metal hand shot out crushing Jake's wrist - you don't get to be an assassin missing things like that. He turned, smashing his other fist into the man's shocked face, hearing a crunch as his nose broke. Watching as Jake fell to the floor, Bucky rushed over to Alex, who hadn't moved since she was released. 

"Are you okay?" He took her face in his hands, searching for any visible damage. "Did he hurt you?" Alex couldn't look at him, she was still going over everything in her head. "Did he--"

"No," she said in a hushed tone, before Bucky could say the word. She didn't even want to think about it, let alone hear it aloud.

As Bucky looked at her, they heard footsteps leaving quickly, their heads snapped around to see Jake running out the door. Bucky went to chase after him, but Alex grabbed him by the arm, "Leave it, he's not worth it." She spoke softly with little emotion, her eyes still not meeting his.

So, reluctantly Bucky returned to her side. "What happened?" When Alex finally looked at him, his eyes were full of concern.

"I don't want to talk about it..." 

He nodded, "Okay."

Bucky watched as Alex's lip trembled and as he pulled her tightly into his arms, he felt as sobs wracked her frame. Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, Bucky kept his arms wrapped around Alex until the sobs began to subside.

"I'm so sorry," she looked up at him and seeing her tear-stained face nearly broke his heart. "I shouldn't have left like I did this morning."

"Shh..." Bucky cupped her face, planting a kiss on her lips. "You don't have to apologise to me, you didn't do anything wrong, Alex."

"Then why did this happen?" She asked as tears began to fall again. 

He took her hands in his, "This was not your fault. It was all Jake." Moving his hand up to Alex's face, wiping away her tears. "But you have to come with me now. I'm not letting you stay here." 

"Okay," she nodded, leaning in to rest her head on Bucky's chest and his arms came around her once more. Alex would go to Fury, but not right now. 

Now, all she wanted was to feel safe in Bucky's arms again.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Bucky had tried to get Alex to talk to him on the journey back to Fury, but it was pointless. She was still completely unresponsive, but in her head her thoughts moved a mile a minute. How could she have been so blind? Alex believed that she'd been the guilty party in her relationship and she thought that the loss of her parents was just a series of very unfortunate events in her life. However, as much as she tried to explain away these things before, the fact remained that Hydra had worked its way into every facet of how life long before Bucky got to her.

He'd called ahead of them leaving which meant that they were greeted at the base's entrance by Steve and Fury. Bucky opened the passenger door and Alex slipped out silently, making no eye contact with anyone.

Fury began to talk, but cut swiftly cut himself off when Alex walked past without even acknowledging he was there. Two sets of inquisitive eyes shot to Bucky as though to silently ask about the reason behind her state. He simply shook his head, it wasn't the time. "Later," he muttered to them before following Alex inside.

Although a year had passed she still seemed to know her way around and he found her on the bed in the room that they had shared, which he had adopted as his own room when she left.

Alex was sat on the bed with her legs pulled close, arms wrapped around them; her head was resting on top of her knees as though she was trying to seem as small as possible. Bucky sat beside her - he placed a hand on her back, but she flinched away from his touch, head shooting up quickly and looking at him with apologetic eyes. Cautiously, he tried once more, wrapping his arms around her and this time meeting no resistance.

She was so still that Bucky wasn't sure whether to let go or hold tighter - he couldn't guess how she'd react to either. In his life he had never had to deal with anything like this. Yeah, okay, he got there before Jake had a chance to actually do anything more - but what if he hadn't? He didn't want to think about it, but he knew that if the thought had come into his head, it had been in Alex's as well.

"Do you want anything?" Bucky asked quietly. She just silently shook her head, staring ahead. "I'm gonna go get your bag from the car. Are you gonna be okay?" She nodded.

He closed the bedroom door behind him and took a deep breath. Right now, he'd have given anything to make her feel better. But there was nothing he _could_ do.

 

After retrieving Alex's bag, Bucky made a slight detour, dropping in on Steve to explain the situation. He figured that if he told Steve, he could tell Fury and that would be less time Bucky was leaving Alex alone. Naturally, his friend had been incredibly understanding and promised to deal with Fury for him, expressing his relief that Alex had finally agreed to come back to the base. All Bucky could do was nod - he'd wanted Alex back, but he hadn't wanted it to be this way.

However, when he finally returned to the bedroom, she was nowhere to be seen. "Alex?" he called into the empty space. The shower was on.

Slowly, Bucky approached the bathroom and pushing it open he saw that Alex, who was still fully clothed, sat inside the shower, water pouring down on her. She was still sat the same way she had been when he left her.

Hearing someone come in, Alex lifted her head, eyes meeting concerned blue ones has Bucky turned off the shower and crouched down in front of her. "What happened?" He asked quietly, moving from her eye the hair that had become plastered to her face.

"I...I could smell him on me..." She said in a hushed tone, water droplets falling from her lips as she spoke.

"Okay," he said, helping her to stand. When they found Jake, he was going to kill him. Slowly and painfully.

Bucky took Alex back out into the bedroom, once again she had become unresponsive. He managed to peel off her soaking wet dress, immediately throwing a big fluffy towel around her so she could keep warm while he got something for her to wear. He wrapped the dress in a trash bag - he'd take it out to a dumpster tomorrow - hell, he'd burn it if she wanted him to.

He got a hoodie and some sweatpants from the wardrobe and put them down next to her. Alex made no move to change, so he passed her the sweatpants first, which she pulled on slowly as she stood. It was only then, as Alex stood with her back to him that Bucky could see the bruises that had begun to form on her body from the attack. A slow and painful death was too good for that guy. Quickly, Bucky stood, putting the hoodie over Alex's head before she had a chance to see any of the purple marks - she didn't need that right now.

She sat back down beside him on the bed and Bucky picked up the towel and began drying off her hair. Once it was dry enough he lay back on the bed. When Alex didn't move, he gently took her hand in his metal one, the temperature of which seemed to help catch her attention, "Come here," he gestured with his head, tugging lightly at her small hand and getting her to rest her head on his chest.

Alex caught him off-guard by draping an arm across him and Bucky tentatively wrapped his arms around her in return. They lay in silence, Alex's eyes still wide open. For a moment Bucky felt himself wonder whether she'd even be able to sleep right now. But, if she needed to stay awake all night, then they would suffer through insomnia together.

However, it wasn't insomnia keeping Alex awake, it was her drive to stay numb to the situation she had found herself in. If not feeling anything stopped her from feeling _everything_ , then that's what she would do.

 

"So you failed to bring the girl back?" His partner questioned as Jake cradled his still-bleeding nose, "The one job I gave you and you failed?" He called in the doctor when it became clear that Jake could not take in the scolding while he was tending to his nose.

"It's the Asset," He mumbled as the doctor finished work on cleaning up his injury. "He came back for her."

His partner smiled, "Fury knows we're after her."

The doctor exited and Jake stood, moving to stand next to where his partner looked into the lab where their team was busy working on the improved serum. "So, what do we do now?" he asked.

"We make her come to us. The serum's ready to be tested and we need our lab rat."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little chapter for you :3 
> 
> I feel like this sequel's going to be a little bit darker than Broken...


	7. Chapter 7

When Alex woke the next morning everything seemed clearer in her mind. She pushed any and all thoughts of Jake to one side and instead began to focus on what needed to be done.

Turning over she found that Bucky was still fast asleep next to her and moving as carefully as she could so as not to wake him, she slipped from the bed and out into the hall. It was early, just past dawn from what she could tell and so Alex knew that Steve at least would be awake.

And she was right; he was on his way into the gym when she finally caught him.

“Alex, hey. How are you?” he asked, seeming a little surprised to see her.

“Fine,” she answered quickly before there was a chance of her actually thinking about the answer to that question. “I need to talk to you and Fury.”

This appeared to confuse him, “Sure…We’ll just get Bucky and--”

“No,” Alex shook her head, “I need to talk to you and Fury – alone.”

Steve nodded, deciding against questioning her about this and he took her into Fury’s office before collecting the man himself from – well, from wherever he’d been, she didn’t know. Unlike Steve however, Fury didn’t seem nearly as surprised to see her. Although perhaps he was used to wearing his poker face all the time.

“So,” Fury started, “What was it that you wanted to talk to us about.”

“Hydra.” Alex answered simply. “We need to stop them.”

Fury almost rolled his eyes, “Was that all? Because that’s what we were trying to do before you called me in here.”

She shook her head, “No. I’ve been thinking about it and there’s only going to be one real way to stop them.”

“Which is?”

“They need the serum tested, right? And so do you – because if they’ve got it working right, then it’s the start of a world war that only has one outcome.”

Steve straightened up a little, “What are you suggesting?” he asked, fairly sure of the response.

“I hand myself over to them.”

“No. Not an option.” Steve snapped. He looked to Fury with a clenched jaw, but the ex-director seemed to be watching Alex intently. “You can’t seriously be thinking about this.”

There was quiet in the office for a moment, as all eyes landing on Fury, waiting for his response. “Why do you want to do this?” he asked her calmly.

“Hydra has torn my life apart time and time again, and I want them stopped or else everything that you – and my father – have worked for here will amount to nothing.”

Fury appeared to take another moment to go over Alex’s idea in his head, as Steve got increasingly more frustrated that he was even entertaining the idea of handing Alex over to the enemy. After what seemed like an eternity, the director stood. “Rogers, would you mind giving us a minute alone?”

Saying nothing in response, Steve simply huffed from the room, slamming the door behind him.

Fury took his seat again, “You realise what you’re agreeing to here?” Alex nodded. “Because we can’t protect you once you’re in their hands.”

“I know,” she said quietly, “But they can’t hurt me before testing the serum. I’m the only hope they have to find out if it works.”

“I’m assuming that you don’t want Barnes finding out about this?”

Reluctantly, Alex found she was nodding again, “For as long as possible.”

“In which case, I think it’s for the best that Rogers isn’t a part of the planning – Barnes is his weak spot and he’ll try to stop us doing this.”

“Okay.”

 

Walking from Fury’s office Alex came face to face (well, chest to face given the height difference) with a rather annoyed Steve. “You’re really gonna do this?”

“I have to do this. It’s the only way.”

He pursed his lips a little, “What about Bucky?”

“He doesn’t need to know until I know for sure what’s gonna happen.” She sighed. “And you’re not gonna tell him.” Alex added as a caution to the captain.

“He needs to know.”

“Not right now, he doesn’t,” She said, before softening a little. “Bucky’s done so much for me, it’s time I do something in return.”

Steve looked like he wanted to say something else, but Alex slipped away before he had the chance – she’d made up her mind and no one was going to change that. Not even the man currently convulsing on the bed having a nightmare due to her absence.

“Bucky?” she shook him gently and his eyes shot open as he lunged towards her. But, unlike the other times this had happened which ended in him grabbing her throat, he pulled her into a tight hug.

Alex could feel his rapid breathing slowly calm and when he seemed to have returned to normal, she leaned back a little to look at him. “Are you okay?”

He nodded, eyes wide as though he was still trying to ensure that everything around him was real, “Nightmare,” he sighed. “Where did you go?” he asked when it finally registered that Alex hadn’t been lying beside him when he woke.

“Just for a walk,” she lied, giving him a tight smile. “I needed some air.”

“You should’ve woke me,” he rubbed his tired eyes and Alex chuckled.

“And disturb your sleep? I can handle a walk on my own Bucky.”

He lay back down on the bed, holding an arm out to Alex, inviting her to lie down next to him. Resting her head against his warm chest, she felt him stroke his fingers rhythmically up and down her arm, lulling her back into a relaxed state.

“That was the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a while,” Bucky said quietly, and Alex could practically feel the smile on his face. “I think it must have something to do with you.” He placed a kiss on top of her head.

Alex just smiled in response, slipping an arm around Bucky and snuggling closer into his chest. She didn’t want to leave Bucky, but she kept reminding herself that he was the reason she was going to do this at all. Hydra had torn her life apart, but it was nothing compared to what they’d done to Bucky. And despite what he said, Alex knew that deep down Bucky was still scared of them and what they could do – so Hydra had to be stopped. And if Alex was the missing piece they needed to destroy them, then she would do whatever it took.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are all still enjoying the story :3  
> my updates might be a little further apart at the moment as i've just started my creative writing uni course :)


	8. Chapter 8

By the time Alex woke up again it was the afternoon and the sound of the shower made it clear that Bucky was still in the room. Just as she sat up, the bathroom door swung open to reveal Bucky with a towel wrapped around his waist and another in the process of drying his hair.

“A whole year and you didn’t get a haircut?” She smirked, earning her a wet towel in the face as he walked over to his wardrobe.

He pulled on some sweats and a t-shirt before moving to sit on the bed in front of Alex. “You don’t like it?”

“I didn’t say that. It’s all I know you with,” She moving a stray lock from his eyes, “I just thought having it long would be kind of annoying for you – always falling in your eyes. Although, I suppose a scrunchie would fix that.” She laughed, gathering his hair and using the hair tie she kept on her wrist to secure it. “There.”

Bucky wrinkled his nose, “Nope, not feeling the scrunchie.” He said, pulling it from his hair and carefully returning it to her wrist. “I guess I never really thought about it… I used to have short hair…”

“Seriously, Buck, I don’t care what you do with your hair. You could dye it blue for all I care – as long as it’s still you under that blue mop, I’d still be here with you.” He smiled softly. “Just maybe not as much – I mean, the blue hair would take a while to get used to.”

Bucky chuckled, “Blue sounds fun.”

“I was kidding. Please don’t dye your hair blue.”

He pressed a kiss to her lips, “What do you want to do today?”

Alex’s eyes filled with some unknown emotion as Bucky looked at her, “I need to pick up some stuff from my apartment.”

“No, you’re not going back there. Tell me what you need and I’ll get it.” Bucky spoke with concern.

“I need to go back. You can come with me, but I need to do this,” She said with conviction looking him straight in the eye. “Besides, I need to tell my boss that I’m not going to be coming to work anymore. Sarah’s like family to me, I can’t just leave without telling her.”

After a while Bucky seemed to realise that Alex would go whether he wanted her to or not and he sighed, “Fine. But I’m coming with you and I’m not leaving your side.”

 

When they reached her apartment it was almost as though everything that Alex had been trying to block out was trying desperately to reach the surface again. She could still hear Jake’s voice in her head; still feel his hands on her and despite Bucky’s valiant attempts to stop her, Alex had now seen the bruises he had left her with.

But she couldn’t let herself think about it. She couldn’t and wouldn’t let him win. Hell, that was part of the reason she was even considering giving herself up to Hydra.

So, instead of dwelling on thoughts of Jake and Hydra, Alex grabbed a bag from her wardrobe and began to fill it with the various things she needed or wanted to take with her. God knows when she’d be able to come back here – if ever. Clothes, make-up, even a picture of her parents were all shoved into the bag.

When she was finished Alex was surprised at how little of her life she actually wanted to take with her and how much she was more than willing to leave behind.

Handing the bag to Bucky, Alex took a moment to appreciate the place that she had called home for so long, knowing that the chances of her returning here were slim to none. Between the two of them they somehow managed to reattach the door to its hinges and secure it before making their way out of the building.

“Where to now?” Bucky asked when they got back to the car.

“There’s a florist two blocks down, that’s where I worked.”

It was a short drive, but Bucky didn’t feel comfortable with Alex walking around the places that Hydra knew she went, in broad daylight.

So, they sat in silence as he drove to the florist, pulling up outside the seemingly empty building.

Alex’s brow furrowed, “That’s weird.”

“What?”

“It’s just, the sign says ‘open’ but it doesn’t look like anyone’s in there.”

She got out of the car before Bucky had a chance to stop her, moving quickly to the door. Alex tried the handle, “It’s locked.” She said, brow furrowed, turning to Bucky who had appeared at her side.

He didn’t seem quite so concerned. “Maybe she’s not in and just forgot to change the sign around when she left.”

“It’s two on a Wednesday afternoon – she should be here, it’s delivery day.”

Bucky could see that Alex was worried by this, “Stand back.” He said quietly, lifting his metal arm to the glass door and swiftly punching through, glass shattering to the floor.

The window in the door was big enough for them to step through, the alarm hadn’t gone off which did nothing to settle Alex. Sarah always turned on the alarm when she left. Without fail.

Looking around the shop it seemed as though Sarah had simply been plucked from it – there was a half-completed order on the countertop, a coffee on the side and her handbag was still beneath the till. Something was definitely wrong here.

“Sarah?” she called out, hoping desperately to here an answer. But none came.

Alex ventured further into to the shop, Bucky close to her side as they moved silently. Gently, Alex pushed open the door to the stock room and rounding the corner, she was met with a sight that stopped her in her tracks, knocking the air from her lungs.

In the corner of the room, propped up against the shelves was Sarah’s lifeless body complete with bullet wound in the head. Alex turned away, bracing herself against another of the shelves and taking slow deep breaths as Bucky came around her discovering the sight for himself.

Trying to prepare herself, but failing, Alex turned back around and clasped her hand over her mouth as the tears began to fall. Bucky pulled her into his arms, “Alex, I’m so sorry.”

But, as she leant her head on his shoulder, Alex noticed a note in Sarah’s limp hand. She moved, much to Bucky’s confusion, tears still falling from her eyes and kneeling beside the body she managed to slip the note out of the ice cold grip that held it. It had been folded and her name was written on top.

Unfolding it, she read the message before passing it behind her numbly to Bucky. All Alex could do was stare at what remained of her friend as he read:

_‘Maybe now you’ll take us seriously.’_

Silently, teardrops tumbled down her cheeks while she looked into the lifeless eyes that even now remained open to sights that Sarah could no longer take in. Alex leant down to close them, but Bucky wrapped a hand around her wrist before she could, “Don’t touch anything, Alex.” He said softly, pulling her back gently. “We need to call the police. They’ll handle this. But I need to know if there’s anything you touched on the way in.”

Alex shook her head, unable to take her eyes off the body that sat before them. Noticing this, Bucky gently ushered her out and back into the car where here called the police and said that there had been a break in. He drove away quickly, after having made sure that there were no cameras around that could’ve seen them.

But once again Alex had become lost in her thoughts. This had happened because of her. Sarah was gone _because of her_.

Hydra wanted her and they were going to get her. But, whatever happened, she was going to make sure that Hydra couldn’t do this to anyone else.

She was going to make them pay for everything.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little chapter to tide you over until I get more written :)

For the next few days Alex had been summoned by Fury a number of times to try and ID Jake from the pictures of Hydra agents they had. Or at least that’s what she told Bucky it was. In reality, however, they were planning on how to get her to Hydra and what exactly needed to happen when she got in there.

It would happen in a week’s time; she would travel to a known Hydra base a few miles away and they would find her there. It was after that they were having issues with. How would she get back out? What if the serum didn’t work? What if it did?

“Whatever happens with the serum, Alex, they won’t hurt you. They couldn’t risk it.” Fury said, almost as though he was reading her mind. “You hold all the cards here.”

And as much as Alex wanted to believe that she would be in control of this situation, there was no way Hydra would let her have the upper hand. They weren’t exactly an honourable kind of organisation.

“We’ve still got some time to work out the details before this has to happen, but I’d like to get you into training with Rogers. Make sure that you’re more than capable of defending yourself hand-to-hand if they do try anything.”

“No,” Alex spoke up, causing Fury to look at her incredulously. “I don’t mean ‘no’ to the training – just not Rogers.” She clarified.

Fury nodded, “Doesn’t want to lie to Barnes?” She shook her head in response. “Okay. I’ll find someone else.”

And with that, their meeting was over and Alex left his office, heading back to the room she shared with Bucky. Rounding the corner however, she caught a glimpse of Steve shutting the door behind him and walking away. “Why were you in there?” She asked aloud, causing him to turn and face her.

“Because I won’t let you lie to him,” he said sharply.

This made her panic a little if she was honest. “What did you tell him?” She asked cautiously.

“Nothing that isn’t true.” Steve looked at her with hard eyes before walking away, leaving Alex stood alone in the hall, worried about what she would be walking in to.

Turning the handle slowly, Alex opened the door, inch by inch waiting for a response. Finally, when the door was fully open, she saw that Bucky was sat on the edge of the bed, eyes focused on the intricacies of his metal hand. “Is it true?”

“Is what true?” She swallowed hard, trying to seem clueless.

“You know what.” Bucky’s voice didn’t hold any clear emotion, and his eyes remained on the metallic limb, as if he was refusing to look at her. “Hydra.”

Turning, Alex closed the bedroom door – if they were going to do this she’d rather not have it heard by the entire base. “Bucky, I--”

“Is. It. True?” He spoke slowly and carefully and though there was still no emotion filtering through, his words had a dominance to them.

“Yes.”

Finally, Bucky brought his eyes up to hers as he stood. And whereas normally Alex would be able to read him like a book, she couldn’t now. “After everything those people have done to you, to me – to all of us – you’re just gonna hand yourself over to them, like some kind of gift?”

“Bucky, they are going to keep hurting the people I’m closest to until they get me - no one else is going to die because of me.”

“I just got you back!” He yelled, startling her. It was a mixture of rage and misery. “I just got you back, and if you think that I’m gonna let you give yourself to them, you’re insane.” He said, a little calmer, but still as much emotion. “If you go, I’m going with you. You’re not doing this alone.”

Alex shook her head vehemently, “No, not an option. They will wipe your memory if you go back and if they do that, its game over, Bucky.”

“And what if they wipe your memory?”

It wasn’t something that she’d considered. They could wipe her memory; there would be nothing to stop them, it wouldn’t harm the way the serum would work. Alex didn’t have an answer and the slightly smug look on Bucky’s face told her that he knew that.

But, when Alex moved away from him, sitting on the bed, Bucky softened. It wasn’t that he wanted to catch Alex out; he just wanted to open her eyes. “You don’t know what they’re like,” he said softly as he came to kneel in front of where she sat. “They won’t hesitate to do it, Alex. If that serum works, they will wipe you and they’ll turn you into…this.” He gestured at his arm.

She ran her fingertips gently down the length the metal appendage, a sensation Bucky desperately wanted to be able to feel. “I have to do this.” Alex spoke with hushed conviction, looking down into his eyes. “It’s the only way to stop them.”

“Do you even know what you’re gonna do when you’re in there? How you’re getting out?”

“There’s still time to work that stuff out.”

“How much time?”

Alex studied his features; she could’ve lied and said she had more time, but there was no sense in it. “A week.”

“A week?!” Bucky stood, his eyes glowing in anger. “You’ve been planning behind my back for something that’s happening in seven days? When exactly were you planning on telling me?!” He began to pace the floor in front of her, “Or were you just not gonna tell me at all?”

She wanted to protest, tell him that he was wrong, but when it came down to it Alex wasn’t sure whether she was going to tell him or let him find out. _There was no good way to bring up the subject, but surely I would’ve told him? Right?_ She searched her mind for an answer but there was none.

“You were gonna tell me, right?” Bucky questioned, clearly trying to put his own mind at rest.

“Yeah. Yeah, of course I was,” Alex regained her composure, moving to stand in front of Bucky, placing her hands either side of his worried face. “But this was always gonna be my choice – not yours.”

Her words took Bucky back to when he had made her leave him to protect her. Was that what Alex was trying to do here – protect him, by giving herself up?

Bucky brought his lips crashing down on Alex’s, which surprised her. Pulling away again, he rested his forehead against hers, “Just promise me you won’t make any more plans without me?” he whispered.

“Okay.”

“Because I want to know every step of this,” he focused intently on her eyes, making sure she was listening. “I _can’t_ lose you.”

The way he stressed ‘can’t’ brought home to Alex how much Bucky needed her to come back. And she would – there was no way she was letting Hydra win again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time has come for Alex to hand herself over to Hydra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BAAAAAAACK!!  
> Sorry, it's been so long, I started this last week and then hit a bit of a wall so...yeah. 
> 
> But now I've finished it :D 
> 
> And it's a little smutty, so enjoy. 
> 
> Don't forget to comment! :3 pretty please...

The last week had been stressful to say the least. Alex had been in and out of training and meetings with Fury, all the while trailed by Bucky. She didn’t mind, but it annoyed her that he was always around but she was being kept too busy to stop and talk. It didn’t stop her from noticing how worried he was though, that was a look he couldn’t hide.

She felt the worry seep in to everything Bucky did – the anxious eyes that constantly watched her in training to the way his arms unconsciously tightened around her as they slept. And now, even as they made their way towards the suspected Hydra base, his hand remained firmly clasped around hers in the back of the car.

But instead of thinking towards leaving Bucky and handing herself over to the enemy, Alex thought about the night before…

_“You don’t have to do this, you know,” she heard Bucky speak softly from the bed behind her as she pulled a t-shirt on. “We can find some other way.”_

_When Alex turned to face him, she saw that his eyes were wide, shining with the threat of tears as he looked up at her. “We’ve been through this Bucky,” she said quietly, “There isn’t another way to do this.” Sitting beside him, Alex sighed, “I wish there was, but there isn’t.”_

_After a little while she went to get up, but he reached out and grabbed her hand._

_He wasn’t rough or pushy; it was as though he just needed the contact. She sat back down, her hand still in his and lifted his other hand to her face caressing her cheek. She closed her eyes and leaned into his soothing touch._

_Bucky opened his mouth to say something, but Alex silenced him, clasping her hand over his mouth, “Don’t say anything. Please.” After a pause, he nodded, leaning in and planting a light kiss on her lips. He pulled her close, enjoying the warmth of her body against his._

_Alex ran her hands over his chest, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. His breath hitched, the gentleness to her touch still surprised him even now. When she finally got his shirt over his head, Bucky wrapped his arms around her waist, lying back and pulling her with him. He worked his hands underneath her t-shirt, caressing up and down her sides as her fingertips ghosted over his bare skin._

_“Are you sure you want this?” Bucky asked breathlessly, “After everything that happened with Jake, l mean.”_

_Alex nodded, “I’m not going to let him ruin this. I refuse to be frightened because of what he did – I know you’re not like him.” She kissed him softly and raised her arms, allowing Bucky to slowly push her shirt over her head, trailing kisses on her warm skin._

_He sat up, facing Alex who was straddling his hips and she traced a finger over the scars on his chest. She bent her neck and littered his chest with kisses before moving up to his neck, and then returning to his lips. Her hands were a little shaky as she unbuttoned his jeans but when Bucky rolled them over, one hand by her shoulder, the other interlocking fingers with her own, Alex felt herself relax._

_Bucky slipped out of his jeans, and then went to work on her shorts. He laid a trail of kisses from her neck to her stomach, lips lighter than air against her skin. Undoing the button and pulling down the zipper, he pressed a final kiss to her bullet scar. Alex arched her back, letting him tug off her shorts, eliciting a soft moan. Looking up at him, heavy-lidded, Bucky did his best to try and stifle a moan as she slipped a hand into his boxers. Alex pulled back her hand, tugging at the waistband of boxers and pulling them off before shedding her own underwear._

_There was a slight nervousness about her and Bucky raised a questioning eyebrow and asked if she was ok, telling her he’d stop if she didn’t want it. She shook her head, kissing him on the cheek, soft and sweet, running a hand through his messy hair. The comfort he’d come to find in Alex – and she in him, for that matter – was undeniable. It was what made the thought of losing her so much harder to bear._

_Their lips met once again, Alex’s lips parting to allow his tongue entry while his hands continued exploring her body. He situated himself between her legs and looked to her as if offering a last chance to back out. She nodded and Bucky pushed into her, a small gasp escaped her lips. Their bodies moved together, trying to find a steady rhythm and once they started moving in sync, Bucky sped up his thrusts. Alex bit her lip, doing her best to stifle her moans as he kissed her neck and nipped at her collar bones, trying to hold back his own moans. Bucky eyes roamed over her body, fingertips caressing every inch as though he was trying to memorise every part of her, before she left. After a while, Alex brought his attention back, pulling his lips down to hers as they both found their release._

_They lay there together, enjoying each other’s company; Bucky caressing Alex’s cheek with one hand, kissing her as he held her close to his chest._

Alex wished she could’ve just lived in that moment forever.

But, plans had been made and that morning they would journey to the suspected Hydra base and she would give herself up. The plan was to wait until they had injected her with the serum and then, when alone, Alex would punch in a specific code into the device that Bucky had secreted in her boot – yet another piece of footwear he had cut a chunk of leather from – and that would signal Fury’s team to get her out and kill what was left of the former Hydra organisation.

They all knew it was a risky plan, but Fury assured them that it would work without a hitch. It wasn’t that part of the plan that concerned Alex; it was more to do with what the effects of the serum would be. It was what killed her father – none of them knew what it would do to her after Hydra’s modifications.

“Remember, after you’ve been given the serum, punch in the code and we’ll be there,” Fury spoke firmly to her as she stepped out of the vehicle. Alex just nodded, they’d been through this so many times there was no danger in her forgetting what to do, so Fury placed a comforting hand on her shoulder before giving a curt nod as he cleared his throat, getting back into the car so her and Bucky could have a moment alone.

Bucky stepped towards Alex and stood for a moment. This was it. Everything they’d been working towards this past week. _Are you really going to let her do this?_ He asked himself as he looked at her stood before him, so close to being within Hydra’s grasp.

In the end it was Alex who made the first move, rushing forward and throwing her arms tightly around him, “It’s going to be okay, Bucky,” she said and he so wished that hearing her say that put his mind at ease. But it didn’t. Nothing could.

So, he simply stayed quiet, wrapping his arms tighter around her, never wanting to let go. He wasn’t the only one – for Alex, if this moment lasted the rest of her life it wouldn’t be long enough. They both stood there for what felt like an age, neither wanting to let go of the other for fear of never seeing them again.

Eventually, Bucky pulled away a little, taking Alex’s face in his hands and looking down at her with tears in his eyes, “I love you, Alex.”

“I love you too.”

“Barnes. It’s time.” Fury’s voice came from the car window.

Taking a last look at Alex’s face, Bucky pulled her into a deep kiss, the tears that fell on his cheeks mixing with those on her own. “Please come back to me,” he whispered close to her ear, before pulling away again.

Alex backed away, giving Bucky one last warm smile before she disappeared beyond the tree line, towards the Hydra facility. It felt as though he’d lost a part of him and until she came back safely Bucky knew that he would be spending every minute worrying about Alex and what Hydra could be doing to her.

For a moment, he just stood in the same spot, as though he was waiting for Alex to come back or some kind of sign that she would be okay.

“She’s gonna be fine,” he heard Fury say behind him, as though he had read his mind. But, at this point he wouldn’t rule out fury having the ability to do that. “Alex can keep herself safe.”

“I know,” Bucky replied, as he moved to get back into the car. “But it’s not her I’m worried about – it’s what they’re gonna do.”

Alex took a few more steps beyond the treeline and found that she could see the Hydra base through the trees. _This is it, Alex. Just a few more steps._

Soon, she heard alarms sound from the distant building and within minutes she was surrounded by armed guards. From behind them she saw a familiar face stride through, “Alex. Long time, no see.” Jake sneered.

She had to hold back a laugh, “That’s attractive,” she gestured to the heavy bandaging around his nose from Bucky’s punch.

“Funny.” He said, before a slightly sinister smile crept onto his lips as he stepped uncomfortably close. “But your little boyfriend isn’t here to protect you now.”

“I guess that’s good news for you then.” Alex smirked as she saw the anger in his eyes.

He backed up a little, “I take it you got our…message?”

She clenched her jaw at the memory of Sarah’s lifeless body, “That’s why I’m here. I didn’t want anyone else getting hurt because of me.”

“Wise choice.” Jake turned and started walking back towards the base, “Bring her in, he’s gonna want to see her,” he called over his shoulder to the guards that still surrounded her.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long guys, I've been writing essays and so I just managed to get this done in between - hope you all enjoy :)

“Not that I’ve got anywhere else to be, but is this guy going to be much longer?”

So far, Alex had been waiting for an hour and a half for Jake’s mystery- friend? Boss? Partner? – He hadn’t given much away about this guy’s identity, it could’ve been anybody.

“Your arrival was unexpected. He needs a little time to…prepare.” Jake said, as his eyes watched her carefully as though at any minute she might up and run. But something in the word ‘prepare’ made Alex’s blood run cold.

They sat in silence for a little while longer before the sound of heavy metallic thudding echoed down the hall. Jake stood walking to the door, “He’s here,” his face lit up with a sinister smile. “Alex, may I present to you the new head of Hydra, the man in charge of getting you here – Crossbones.” He pulled open the door and Alex’s sniggering was silenced when she got a good look at this ‘Crossbones’ guy. _Not nearly as piratey as his name would suggest_ , she thought.

Standing at what she guessed was well over six foot, he was a formidable sight. Face fully covered by a mask printed with a skull, there were no distinguishable features to be seen. He looked like he was wearing the same gear that SHIELD’s teams were kitted out with, but his arms were cocooned in what looked like metal. With not one piece of skin on display Alex found herself wondering why that would be – was it a conscious decision or a necessity?

“This is her?” Crossbones’ voice was quiet but authoritative – he was clearly the kind of man who didn’t need to shout to be heard. Jake nodded, his eyes on Alex as she sat silently staring at the stranger before her. “And she just walked up to the base?”

“Yes,” Jake’s voice was almost a whisper.

Even though you couldn’t see any kind of expression on this man’s face, it was clear that he wasn’t happy about that. “And none of you thought to check if any of her SHIELD teammates came with her?”

This seemed to panic Jake, “Well…no, we just—“

“Just – what? Thought you could think for yourselves?”

“…I’m sorry, sir.” His eyes went to the floor quickly, as though he was a child being scolded by his parents.

“No one came with me,” She spoke up, hoping to relieve some of the tension in the room.

The skull faced Alex once again, “Move her to the lab – she’s no use to us here.”

 

That was the last she saw of ‘Crossbones’ for the day. Two agents moved her to a lab – dingy and dirty, though the equipment, at least, looked clean. Alex’s arms were strapped to a chair by the wrist, palms up – no doubt to make it easier for them to get to a vein.

After they’d strapped her in she was left alone for a while and all she could do was think. Maybe this is going to be over faster than we thought. If they had brought her down to the lab already, surely they would be injecting her with the serum sooner rather than later. Or that was what she was hoping.

Leaving Bucky had been harder than Alex had imagined and sitting here now, everything was happening and the possibility of her meeting the same end as her father was suddenly very real.

“Alex, yes?” A small man had entered the room unnoticed by her. He was reading through some notes.

“Yeah.”

He looked up, “Good. Well, we’ve been waiting a long time for you.”

“And I’m thoroughly pleased to be here,” Alex said, deadpan.

The man snickered, placing his notes on the table next to her chair before pulling a stool out to sit in front of her. “Now, this process will go relatively easily if you let it.” She couldn’t understand whether he was concerned about her or threatening her. “I will give you one dose today. But, it will take three weeks for you to have received the necessary amount of the serum.”

“Three weeks?” Her eyes widened.

“You better than anyone know that this serum can be…temperamental.” He chose the word carefully, but it still cut deeply as Alex thought about how it had affected her own father. “So, what we plan on doing is giving you a dose at the beginning of each week and monitoring you for any changes or side effects and if, by the end of that week, we are happy with the progress, we will give another dose the following week. For three weeks we will do this and at the end of week three you will have had the full amount of the serum.” He reiterated his earlier point.

Three weeks was a long time to be gone without being able to get any sort of message to SHIELD. To Bucky. She knew that her being gone for this length of time would make him worry, but she only hoped that he would trust her judgement enough to wait until she sent the signal instead of storming the Hydra base before they’d finished.

But, as much as Alex worried about Bucky’s reaction, she had to worry about herself right now. If Hydra were only giving her the serum a dose at a time, they clearly weren’t satisfied with it or they were concerned about the exact affects it would have on her. After all, she was the only person they could test it on, they couldn’t afford for it to kill her.

While she was thinking, the man that she only hoped was a scientist had filled a syringe with the serum, “Are you ready?”

_No_ , she thought, but instead nodded as she rolled up her sleeve. He smiled like a kid at Christmas as he wrapped a band around her upper arm. Alex could feel her arm being starved of the blood it desperately needed and the veins began to show, like little blue roads mapping out her own body. The man smiled brightly at Alex though she had little cause to do so in return and he moved the needle above her skin. Looking away quickly, she had no desire to see the needle that was currently pressing down and puncturing her flesh, digging deep into her vein.

Suddenly Alex could feel the uncomfortable release of the serum into her blood, the cold liquid was alien to her and she became very aware of how it moved through her bloodstream. She felt sick as the man looked down at her, “There, that wasn’t so bad was it?” he smiled again as he pressed a cotton swab to the puncture.

“You are going to have to be kept in here overnight so that we can monitor any initial changes. Tomorrow, all being well, we’ll move you to your own room.”

Alex knew that the ‘room’ he was talking about wasn’t going to be like the Four Seasons so much as a cell. But as he walked out, leaving her in her in the dingy lab, she had to wonder whether this was the kind of place where they had kept Bucky. If it was, perhaps having his memories wiped was actually a good thing. No one would want to remember a place like this.

Looking down at the band aid on her arm however, one thought passed through Alex’s head. There was no going back now.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long, I was without internet over the Christmas/New Year break, I promise that there's more (and longer) chapters to come :)

It had been a fortnight since Alex had handed herself over to Hydra and there still hadn’t been and word from her. Suffice to say, this made Bucky nervous. Every day that had gone by since she left was another day that he got more worried about why there hadn’t been any news. ‘No news is good news’ Sam had repeatedly told him, but that wasn’t any comfort. With Hydra, no news could mean that she was dead and the thought of that was something he was desperately trying to supress, but with each day she was gone the thought was creeping ever closer to the front of his mind.

“Still kinda weird seeing you like that again,” Steve said, coming to sit next to Bucky on the couch. Since Alex had gone, Bucky was busying himself with different missions, trying to keep his mind active and away from his missing piece. But there was one very personal mission that he had started himself on – to try and change himself back into the man he used to be before the fall and before Hydra. He started by making himself look the part. A few days after the drop-off he had decided to cut his hair back to the length it used to be. At first it had felt weird – he looked the part, same as the guy in all the pictures and the museum displays, but he was different. Deep down he wasn’t the same – everything he’d been through had changed him. But still, he took a deep breath. _I am James Buchanan Barnes_ , he said aloud to his reflection as if to reassure himself.

“I like it,” Steve continued, nudging his friend, “But it’s weird.” Bucky smiled a little, but it quickly disappeared.

Fury walked into the room, and Bucky leapt to his feet, “Did you hear something from Alex?” he asked hurriedly.

“Since you asked me an hour ago?” Fury sighed, his annoyance evident from his voice. “No, Barnes. I haven’t heard anything.”

“Well, have you seen anything? Movement from Hydra or any of their affiliates?” Bucky’s tone was panicked. “Anything?”

When there was no reply from Fury, it only angered Bucky more. “What are you even doing? Sitting there?” He yelled, the sound of his arm recalibrating putting the other men on edge.

“Sit down, Barnes,” Fury said in a level voice as Steve put his hand on his friend’s shoulder, forcing him to sit again. “We have eyes on Hydra, waiting for them to make a move. Until Alex gives the signal, we can’t afford to rock the boat – it could do more harm than good. I understand how hard this must be for you, but all we can do is wait it out.” He got up again, leaving Steve and Bucky alone again.

“Why haven’t we heard anything, Steve?”

“I don’t know,” he sighed. “But remember, Alex is strong, Buck. She’s going to be okay.”

“But what if she’s not?” His mouth set a grim line.

“I promise you – she’ll get out of this. Hydra wouldn’t kill her, Buck – they need her.”

Bucky nodded a reply, he still didn’t quite believe what Steve was saying – he couldn’t, he couldn’t get his hopes up just in case Alex didn’t come back.

 

She was tired. Two weeks, two dosages and Alex had barely felt any changes – except that she was tired. Apparently, the ‘doctor’ had told her (she wasn’t sure whether he was an actually doctor so she used the term lightly) that tiredness was a side effect of the serum – her body had to shut down in order for it to take effect.

However, the fact that this was easily explained didn’t stop Alex from feeling like crap. In fact it only made her feel worse, serving as a reminder that the serum was a part of her now. Something that could kill her, destroy her inside and out. But so far they hadn’t noticed anything to be worried about, so at least she had something to be thankful for.

She still had one dosage left and she was focused on getting through it. One more injection and she could signal Fury. One more injection and she would be able to see Bucky again. One more…

But what would happen when she got back? How would they get the serum out?

And if they couldn’t, what would happen to her?

But Alex couldn’t think about that right now, it was too much.

The ‘doctor’, whose name she had absolutely no interest in learning, opened the door. “Ready for the final dose, Alexis?”

_Just one more_ , she thought, getting to her feet.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad that so many of you are enjoying this story guys :) hopefully you enjoy this chapter too

As Alex sat waiting in the same room she was always taken to after her serum dosage, it struck her that she felt a lot more alert than usual. Whether it was the serum taking effect or the anticipation of being able to see Bucky again, she didn’t know, but she felt great. Any minute now they’d be returning her to her cell and then she’d be able to send Fury the code and it’d all be over. She could go home.

The guards forced her up, guiding her back towards her cell, and Alex had to do everything in her power to stop the smile that desperately wanted to dance on her lips. Once they had shoved her inside, slamming the door shut behind her, she heard the sound of the door locking and immediately sank to the floor, pulling off her boot and shaking it until the device Fury had given her fell out into her lap.

For a moment she panicked, her mind had gone blank and she couldn’t remember the code – it had been weeks and it took a while for it to come back to her. When it did though, Alex almost cried out in joy – she would’ve if it wouldn’t have caused the guards to look inside.

Punching in the code, Alex felt her heart race and the green light flashed, giving a small beep to inform her that the code was correct. Now all she had to do was wait…

 

“BARNES!” Fury shouted, walking fast towards their briefing room.

Bucky popped his head around the door, confused. “What?”

Fury sighed with frustration, the only time Bucky wasn’t constantly asking if he’d heard anything from Alex. “The code came through.”

Standing up straighter, Bucky grabbed all the things he needed and practically ran to the briefing room where Fury was inside with Steve and all their best agents.

“This is what we’ve been planning and training for. If we can do this successfully we may end Hydra forever – you all know Alex – she’s been through a lot to get us to this point. So, one of our main priorities we be to find Alex and get her out of their safely.” Fury started his rousing speech for the room.

“I’ll lead the group to find Alex,” Bucky chipped in.

Fury rolled his eyes, “I’m well aware that that will be the case, Barnes. I have been for the past few weeks,” he said deadpan, causing Steve to smirk.

“So the rest of you will be with me,” Steve instructed, “We’ll be rounding up all the Hydra agents so we can finally put an end to this.”

Fury stood straight, walking to the door, “Captain Rogers will give you your orders – Barnes, with me for a moment,” he said, going out into the hallway, Bucky following quickly behind and shutting the door behind him before Steve could start ‘giving orders’.

Bucky was ushered by Fury into the office, and he gestured for Bucky to sit, but he refused. If Alex had sent the code, they hadn’t got time for this. But, nevertheless, Fury sat, leaning back in his chair and looking calmly at the man stood before him. “I’ve sent word to Doctor Banner that we’ll need him later.”

“What for?”

Fury sighed, “Alex has been given Hydra’s version of the serum – we don’t know what that has or will do to her. I want Banner here to check her over as soon as we bring her in.”

“She has to be okay. She sent the code.” Bucky mumbled, trying desperately to convince himself that when they got to Alex she’d be perfectly fine.

After a brief moment of quiet, Fury thought better of trying to get Bucky’s hopes to a more realistic level and instead dismissed him, allowing Bucky to return to Steve who was in the process of getting his team out into the cars.

“Are you ready for this?” Steve asked Bucky as they got into their car.

“Definitely.”

 

It had been a little while since Alex had sent the code to Fury and she was waiting for anything that could signify that their team was on the way.

Suddenly there was a loud crash somewhere in the building – it was impossible to tell which side, there were so many corridors in this building that the echo made pinpointing noise completely impossible. But Alex could hear boots on the ground, gunshots and shouting. It was something that at any other moment in time would be terrifying, but right now was the most comforting thing she had heard in weeks.

There was a sound at her door. Someone was unlocking it.

Alex stood, bracing herself for whoever was on the other side. When it swung open, her heart sank – she had been expecting Bucky or at least one of Fury’s agents that she would recognise. But, when the metal door hit off the solid wall, the only person on the other side was Jake.

He stormed inside, grabbing her arm, which still smarted a little from the last injection she’s had only the day before. “Move,” he said pushing her in front of him, “Your little boyfriend’s come to get you, shame he won’t find you. My boss wants you out – we still need you.”

Her heart started pounding loudly, as Jake’s gun kept nudging her back, moving her onwards down the corridor. They turned to go one way, but when Jake caught sight of shadows at the other end; he pulled Alex in another direction.

Unfortunately for him, the corridor they had turned down was the exact one that Bucky was coming from the other way. All of them froze, both Bucky and Alex’s eyes widening at the sight of each other. Suddenly, Jake pulled her back, the cold steel of a knife at her neck and the gun in his hand pointed directly at Bucky, who was pointing his own at Jake.

“We’ve been here before,” Jake chuckled, “The three of us in this stalemate. But it looks like I’ve got the upper hand now, Soldier. Make a move to hit me and I cut her throat,” he threatened.

Bucky smirked, “If you think I believe that, you’re deluded. I know you can’t risk hurting her – you need her alive.”

Jake’s jaw tightened as he realised that Bucky wasn’t as stupid as he’d imagined. All was quiet between the three of them as no one made a move for fear of someone getting hurt. “We’ve got somewhere to be, Soldier. Can you just move?” He cocked a brow, testing Bucky.

“I’ve got nowhere I need to be.”

Alex almost rolled her eyes – she’d never get out of this if someone didn’t make a move. So, quickly she pushed the knife-wielding arm out of her way, throwing an elbow backwards that connected with Jake’s nose with a crunch. Ducking out of the way, she watched as Bucky took the shot, hitting Jake straight in the chest. He fell to the floor with a thud, spluttering as his blood filled his mouth.

She watched carefully as Jake’s life was extinguished, feeling no remorse. And when all was quiet again, she looked to Bucky, who hadn’t moved from where he had stood, but now locked eyes with her.

They both rushed to each other, meeting in the middle with a tight embrace, as if each was trying to make sure the other was really there. Bucky rested his cheek on the top of Alex’s head, holding her as close as he could, like he was never letting go again. And in his mind he didn’t want to let go. He’d have held Alex forever if it meant never having to go through anything like this again.

Pulling away a little, Bucky looked down at Alex’s face for the first time in weeks. It felt like it had been longer – but here she was, and she was okay.

“You’ve cut your hair.” Alex smiled, stroking his newly short hair as Bucky nodded.

He smiled, pulling her in for a deep kiss, which Alex eagerly responded to, her hands reaching to cup his face. The sound of gunfire brought them back to their current situation, Bucky grabbing Alex’s hand. “Come on, we need to get you out of here.”

 

When they got outside, Steve seemed to have the situation in hand. He beamed as he saw Bucky and Alex running from the building. “Get Alex back to Fury so Banner can look her over!” he shouted above the noise of their fighting.

“No! We can stay and help you!” Alex shouted back.

Steve moved closer to them, “I can deal with this, what’s important now is that we know that you’re okay.” He touched Alex’s arm gently, nodding slightly at Bucky before returning to the fight.

“Come on,” Bucky took her hand again, getting her into one of the cars and driving as fast as he could back to headquarters.

As they drove, Bucky looked over to Alex and noticed blood on her sleeve. “What happened?” He gestured to the wound when she seemed confused.

“It must’ve happened when I pushed Jake’s knife away,” she looked at it carefully.

“But it’s already healing.”

After a moment, Alex lifted her head. “It must be working,” she smiled half-heartedly, stroking a finger along the once-deep cut in her forearm. Bucky’s eyes remained on the road, but his brow furrowed as he wondered what this would mean for Alex.

 

When they reached headquarters, Bucky ushered Alex inside where Fury was waiting. “Alex. It’s good to have you back.”

“Good to be back,” she chuckled softly.

“We should get you into the infirmary,” he said, moving the two of them on until they reached a white room, with a large window on the side.

Looking in, Alex could see a bed and chair as well as a lot of medical equipment, including a screen that was being used by a dark haired man in glasses. Fury ushered her and Bucky inside, “Alex, this is Doctor Banner, he’ll be checking you to find out the extent of the serum’s effects on you.”

She exchanged a smile with Banner, and stood close to Bucky as her heart began to race. She could hear him start talking to Banner, “The serum’s already started working hasn’t it Alex?”

“I think so,” she nodded absentmindedly.

Bucky lifted Alex’s hand that he’d been holding, pulling up her sleeve to show Banner the healed cut on her arm. “See? This cut only happened half an hour ago and---wait, why is it starting to bleed again?”

Alex blinked quickly as her head started to spin, “Alex?” Bucky could see that something wasn’t right. She tried to answer, but she couldn’t manage it. “Get her on the bed,” Banner’s voice accompanied Bucky’s. Suddenly, everything went black.

“Alex? Alex?!” Bucky called frantically, catching her as she collapsed on the floor. “What’s happening to her?” he looked to Banner, but the doctor said nothing in return, fearing what could indeed be wrong.


	14. Chapter 14

Alex woke to the rhythmic sound of a heart monitor’s beeping and, looking to her left she could she Doctor Banner working away on something - his back was to her so he didn’t know she was awake yet. Her eyes went to the arm that had been cut - there was now a bandage covering it and though she couldn’t be sure, she could see a small amount of blood that suggested it hadn’t healed in the way she and Bucky had hoped.  
  
It was her sigh at this thought that drew Banner’s attention to her. “Morning Alex. How are you feeling?”  
  
“Fine and dandy,” She chuckled weakly.  
  
The doctor smiled, “I glad to see you haven’t lost your sense of humour.”  
  
“Where’s Bucky?” Alex asked, her voice a little hoarse.  
  
“I sent him away about half an hour ago. He needed to get some rest - he never left your side since he bought you in here.”  
  
“How long was I out?”  
  
Banner pulled up a chair beside her bed, “Two and a half days. You gave everyone quite the scare.” He picked up her chart, looking at the information inside. “I’m going to need to do a few more tests on you now that you’re awake so that I can try to pinpoint exactly what’s wrong with you.”  
  
He looked at the screen next to her bed, “Your temperature’s still running a little high and so is your blood pressure - but neither is as high as it was, so that’s a good sign.” He got up, moving across the lab to retrieve a needle, “I’m going to take some blood to test, are you okay with that?”  
  
Alex nodded, shifting to sit up a little more so Banner had better access to her arm. She was still a little light-headed at first, but it soon passed. “Am I going to have to stay in here?”  
  
“Once I’ve taken the blood, if you feel okay, I see no reason that you can’t leave. Just don’t over-exert yourself.”  
  
She waited patiently as Banner readied his equipment. He wiped the skin on the crook of her elbow, finding a vein before he carefully punctured the skin. Alex watched carefully as her blood was drawn, the dark maroon colour filling the glass tube. _Well, at least it’s not green or something_ , she thought, _that’s got to be a good sign_. Pulling his needle back, Banner was quick to press a cotton ball to it, taping it against the puncture wound to stop the bleeding.  
  
Alex went to stand, but Banner was quick to keep her sat down. “Don’t get up just yet, drink this orange juice, the sugar will help with the dizziness. I don’t want you getting up just to pass out again.” He looked at her like a parent would a child, “I’m pretty sure if your boyfriend was to find out…well, I might be a doctor, but not even I would be able to fix the damage he’d do to me.”  
  
She chuckled before gulping down the juice he’d given her - her thirst only proved how long she’d been without a drink. After a few minutes she felt much better and Banner seemed satisfied enough to let her go on her way.  
  
  
Walking through the corridors, Alex was comforted by the familiarity of it all. She hadn’t been away that long, but the confines of Hydra’s base left a lot to be desired and the constant threat of what they would do to her meant weeks of not being able to relax. It had to be pretty early in the morning as Alex could barely hear the sound of movement through the building that was usually a hub of activity.  
  
She thought about just walking around for a while, but right now there was only one place she wanted to be - the place she spent weeks wanted to be in.  
  
  
Cracking open the door as quietly as possible, Alex poked her head around it, peering inside. Just as she’d hoped, Bucky was fast asleep under the covers, the gentle sound of his breathing just barely audible to her. She kept quiet, closing the door softly behind her and creeping through the room until she reached the bed.  
  
Lifting the covers a little, Alex slipped in beside Bucky, being carefully not to alert him. With Bucky’s training, if she startled him he might have actually killed her. So she lay down beside him, pulling the covers over her. For a moment she just lay there taking in his features - features which she had been afraid of never seeing again, his slightly parted full pink lips, dark eyelashes fanned against his cheek - she loved it all.  
  
A piece of dark hair had fallen on his face and gently lifting her hand, Alex pushed it back into place. At the touch of her hand Bucky began to stir, and slowly her eyes were met by sleepy azure ones and for a moment it seemed as though he was just going to go back to sleep, until he realised that he wasn’t dreaming her presence.  
  
“Alex?” His husky voice was almost a whisper, like he was worried that it was a dream after all.  
  
“Shh…” She soothed him, “Go back to sleep.”  
  
He looked a little confused, “Should you be here?”  
  
“Here’s the only place I want to be,” Alex moved closer, tucking her head in the crook of Bucky’s neck. After a moment he relaxed, wrapping her tightly in his arms as though he was never going to let her go again for fear of losing her.  
  
  
It was the best night’s sleep Bucky had ever had and as he looked down at Alex’s sleeping form on his chest it wasn’t hard to know why. A smile crept across his face as he pushed some hair from her face.  
  
But the smile soon disappeared when Bucky realised how cold Alex was. Her skin felt like ice beneath his hand. “Alex?” He tried to rouse her from her sleep. “Alex?”  
  
She didn’t respond, so Bucky tried shaking her a little. “Alex?” Still nothing - she didn’t stir, she didn’t move at all. “Alex?!”   
  
He leant down to listen for a heartbeat, and though it was faint, Bucky breathed a sigh of relief. Alex’s breathing was shallow and laboured - something was seriously wrong. Bucky jumped out of bed, scooping Alex up in his arms.   
  
  
He practically ran down the corridor to Banner, who was meeting with Steve and Fury in the lab and, bursting through the door Bucky nearly scared them to death. “Please, you’ve got to help me! It’s Alex, I woke up this morning and she was ice cold. I can’t get her to wake up!”  
  
“Put her on the bed,” Banner sprang into action, shouting orders at Steve and Fury to help him collect up the equipment that he needed. Once they had it was down to Banner. “I’m  going to need you all to leave.”  
  
“No!” Bucky yelled, “I’m not leaving her!”  
  
As Bucky went for Banner, Steve held him back, “Buck, we need to leave Doctor Banner to do this. He’s going to help Alex, but he needs us to get out of his way.” Always the calm and measured tone, Steve managed to calm his friend, moving him into the corridor so the doctor could get to work.  
  
  
Steve and Bucky stood outside the lab for a long time before Banner came back out. The doctor removed his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose and rubbing his eyes before putting them back on again. “She’s stable.”  
  
Bucky let out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. But the way Banner stood before them suggested that there was something more to all this. “What aren’t you telling us?”  
  
Banner let out a deep sigh. “You should both sit down,” he said, gesturing to the chairs next to him. They did so and the doctor moved to stand before them. “I did some tests earlier on the blood I took from Alex.”  
“And?” Steve urged him on.  
  
“And, it seems that the serum Hydra gave her - though effective for a short time - has started to deteriorate Alex’s cells.”  
  
Bucky’s eyes began to sting with the threat of tears, “What does that mean for her?”  
  
“It means,” Banner began, speaking slowly, so as not to bombard the other men, “That if we don’t find a way to get the serum out of Alex’s system, it could kill her.”  
  
“How long?” Bucky choked out.  
  
“Buck, I don’t think you should--” Steve tried to interject.  
  
“How long?” Bucky asked more firmly this time.  
  
“Not long.”   
  



	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm back!
> 
> I was having a lot of trouble writing this chapter and I kept changing my mind about what was going to happen - I know where I want to go with this story, but I'm not entirely sure how to get there :/  
> So, i really wanted to perfect this chapter before I uploaded it - hope you guys enjoy and hopefully the next update will come a bit sooner :)
> 
> As always reviews are nice :3

“Buck, you really should get some rest,” Steve scrubbed a hand down his face. He and Bucky had been sat by Alex’s bedside since Banner had told them about her condition. “Sitting here, it won’t help anything.” He didn’t want to be so harsh with his friend, but it was the truth and Bucky needed to hear it.

But it was like talking to a brick wall. Bucky made no register of Steve’s words; there was no reaction, nothing to say that he had even heard him. He just kept his eyes on Alex, on the machines that surrounded her, the steady rise and fall of her chest. It was like going back to square one after he thought Alex would be okay.

“Banner’s doing everything he can.”

At this however, Bucky shot to his feet, storming from the room, Steve hot on his heels. “Where are you going?!” he shouted after him, having to jog to catch up with Bucky’s huge strides. And though Steve kept asking, it became abundantly clear where his friend was headed.

The lab door swung open, smashing into the wall hard enough to crack the plaster, making Banner jump, looking up at the intruders from his computer screen. “What the--”

“What are you doing to make sure Alex lives?!” Bucky looked at the doctor with dark piercing eyes.

Banner fumbled his words, still a little shocked from the intrusion. But, once he’d settled he moved a little closer to Bucky, “It’s a complex case and--”

“Fuck complex!” Bucky practically roared, hitting the desk next to him with his left arm, shattering the glass surface and causing both the doctor and Steve to flinch. “I need to know what you’re doing to help her!”

“Everything I can!” Banner yelled, stopping himself to take a deep breath as Steve moved between the two men. “You can yell all you want, Barnes, but that isn’t going to make a solution magically appear.”

Bucky went to say something, but Steve held up a hand, “And you two going at each other isn’t going to make any of this any easier. Doctor Banner, you should step back, take a breath, we don’t want this get out of hand. Bucky, either cool off or get out of here because you’re holding back any progress that’s being made by tearing up the place.”

There was quiet for a long time while each man took a moment to cool off. It was Banner who was first to speak.

“I was actually looking at something pretty promising before you came in and smashed up my office, Barnes,” he took off his glasses, cleaning them on his shirt, before replacing them. “The only way to back the deterioration of Alex’s cells is to encourage rapid regeneration. Until I try it there’s no real way of knowing exactly whether it would work, but right now it’s all I’ve got.”

Bucky huffed, mumbling, “Another experiment.”

Narrowing his eyes at his friend’s almost juvenile behaviour, Steve was left to ask the real questions. “How?”

“I’d have to transfuse some of the original formula into Alex’s bloodstream and hope that it would attach itself to her cells. Essentially overpowering the formula that Hydra gave her.”

“You’ve been able to synthesise the original formula?” Steve’s eyebrows raised.

But Banner shook his head, sighing, “I couldn’t do it before Rogers, I can’t do it now.”

“So, what then?” Bucky chimed in, tone only slightly than it had been before.

“So,” Banner started, both he and Steve giving Bucky chastising looks. “I need to find a sample of the formula elsewhere.”

“Could you take it from someone who’d already been given the formula?” Bucky questioned, suddenly understanding the doctor’s meaning. “You could take it from me?”

“Theoretically, yes. But it’s not that simple. I’ll have to do a blood test, make sure you’re a match.”

Bucky stood quickly, rolling up his sleeve and moving towards Banner, “Then do it now, do the blood test.”

The doctor looked to Steve as if asking for permission and when the captain gave an almost imperceptible nod, the doctor motioned for Bucky to sit down, gathering the things he need to take his blood.

 

It seemed to take an eternity for Banner to get back the results of the blood test and it felt as though Bucky had been holding his breath the entire time. Steve had returned to Alex’s bedside as per Bucky’s request, and he sat in the lab watching as Banner looked through the results.

The doctor’s brow furrowed and this did not go unnoticed by Bucky, whose heart began to race. “What is it?”

“Your blood type is AB,” He walked over to where Bucky sat, sitting in front of him, “Alex is B.” Bucky’s expression remained blank, he didn’t know what that meant. “I’m sorry, Barnes, you’re not a match. Alex could give you blood, but unfortunately for us, you can’t give it to her.”

Tears began to blur Bucky’s vision and try as he might, he couldn’t blink them away. “I’m not giving up,” Banner continued, “I’ll find a way to fix this.” He desperately wanted to be able to promise that Alex would live, but at this point he just didn’t know. So, instead he wordlessly rested a comforting hand on Bucky’s upper arm as he sat, head buried in his hands.

“Just…save her. Please.”

It pulled a little at the doctor’s heart to hear Bucky’s voice crack as he spoke. He wouldn’t give up on Alex, but they were running out of options.

 

The sound of glass clashing roused Bucky from a sleep he didn’t even realise he had fallen into. Sitting up and pushing his hair off his face, Bucky noticed that Banner seemed to be preparing something, “What are you doing?” His voice rasped from his sleep.

“I’m preparing a blood transfusion for Alex.” Banner spoke without facing him. Bucky’s brow furrowed, he must have heard that wrong. “But I thought she couldn’t have my blood?”

“She can’t.”

“Which is why it’s a good thing that it’s not your blood.” A voice said behind him and Bucky turned to see Steve drinking a glass of orange juice. “It’s mine.”

Bucky’s confused stare switched between the two men, unsure of what was happening. There was a part of him that thought this might just be a dream and he really hadn’t woken up at all.

“Steve’s blood type is B, like Alex, and considering his blood contains Erskine’s original formula, we may have a better chance of success.”

“So when are you going to do it?” Bucky asked quickly.

Banner’s eyes returned to his work, “Just as soon as I have this ready,” He fastened a tube into the pack of Steve’s blood and everything was all set. “Shall we?” He walked past the other two men and out towards the lab where Alex’s bed was.

“Well, you heard the man,” Steve smiled at Bucky, who had come to stand beside him, Steve went to follow Banner, but a sudden grip on his wrist stopped him. But before he could say anything, he was pulled into a crushing hug by Bucky, his arms wrapping tightly around his friend.

“Thank you, Steve.” He said softly, voice thick with emotion. And saying nothing, Steve just hugged him back, before Bucky pulled away with a small smile. It was then that Steve saw more of his old friend than he had since they’d found him again.

By the time they reached Banner, he had already started the transfusion and all they could do was watch as Steve’s blood slowly drained from the bag into Alex’s veins.

 

Hours passed and there was no real improvement yet – but none of decline either. Banner, Steve and Bucky watched over Alex like hawks, eyes watching carefully for any change, as nurses came in and out, checking Alex’s vitals.

But as Bucky began to drift off a little there was a rapid beeping that caused all three men to jump to their feet.

“Her BP’s dropping!” Banner rushed to the bedside, summoning one of the nurses. “Get me an intubation tray!” She rushed off at his request.

“What’s happening?!” Bucky’s eyes were wide and panicked, “What’s going on Banner?!”

As the beeping became more rapid, the nurse returned with the tray, handing it to Banner. But, as he began to prepare, the monitor gave a constant beep. He tossed the tray aside, “She’s flatlining! We need to start compressions!”

“Is she dying?!” Bucky’s eyes were filling fast.

“Get him out of here, Rogers!” An exasperated Banner shouted over his shoulder.

“No! I’m not leaving her!”

“I don’t have time for this, Barnes! If you want her to live, I need you out!”

As much as he wanted to, Bucky couldn’t argue with that and reluctantly he let Steve drag him from the room, Banner still working hard on Alex’s CPR.

“Come on, Alex. I know you’re strong enough to get through this.”

 

When Alex opened her eyes, she felt completely fine, sitting up in her bed. But, as she sat she found that the bed was the only piece of furniture in the room. _Weird_ , she thought, hopping down.

“Bucky?” She called into the hall.

“Doctor Banner?”

“Steve?”

There was only quiet. She received no response but deafening silence. The weirdest thing was there was no sound from anywhere – it was as if the whole building was deserted.

Walking from her room and into the hall, she spotted a figure at the end of the corridor. “Hello?” Alex called to them. They seemed familiar in their stance, but they were too far into the shadow for her to get a good enough look.

So, Alex moved cautiously closer, approaching them slowly until light filtered in onto their features, stopping her dead in her tracks. “…Mom?”

“Hey, baby girl,” Her mother stepped forward, looking as though no time at all had passed.

Alex couldn’t believe what she was seeing, “You’re alive?”

Her mother shook her head and gently rested a hand on Alex’s cheek like she used to do when she was younger and Alex could feel that it was ice cold. “So, is this a dream?” Pausing for a moment, her mother just looked at her before slowly shaking her head again. And then it hit her, “Am…am I dead?”

“That remains to be seen.”

_Alex!_

It was like a whisper on the wind. “They’re still fighting for you.” Her mother wrapped an arm around her shoulders as they walked. “But the choice is yours.”

“So, I have to choose whether I live or die?”

“Not exactly.” Her mother gestured to something behind her and turning, Alex saw her father. But he looked strong and healthy, not frail as he had been when she lost him.

Turning back she hugged her mother tightly, feeling momentarily like a child again. “I love you, baby girl. Never forget that.” She placed a kiss on her daughter’s forehead before letting her go.

Alex gave her a sad smile, and began walking to her father, before turning back again. “So, what is the choice I have to make?”

“Whether or not to fight.”

 

Banner kept compressing Alex’s chest, the nurse looking on anxiously, “It’s been half an hour, doctor. She isn’t responding.”

“I’ve seen patients go hours before responding to CPR,” he continued his actions, watching as Bucky stood by the window, fear etched on his features. “We have to try.”

 

“So they’re still trying to perfect it?”

Alex sighed, “No one’s doing a very good job. Hence my being here.”

Her father looked at her with a disapproving look that only a parent can give, “You shouldn’t have done that, Alexis, it was dangerous and incredibly stupid.”

“I realise that now.” She remained quiet for a moment, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You were too young to understand.”

“I could’ve tried.”

Her father chuckled, “I’ve no doubt about that. But sometimes just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should.” He rested his hand on hers, “But look at you now, my brave little girl. You’re a force to be reckoned with.”

“And yet I’m dying. Or dead.”

“You’re strong. You’ll get through this.” He squeezed her hand reassuringly. “And you can fix it.”

She turned sharply, confused, “What?”

“The serum.”

“I can fix it?” Alex said with a disbelieving tone. “How?”

He leaned in closer, “My files, Alex. You’ll know what it means.” His eyes went to something across the room and following his gaze she saw a periodic table – the one he used to have in his office when she was little.

Her brow furrowed, “What does--” turning back around Alex found that her father was no longer there, “Dad?” She looked around but he was nowhere to be seen.

Getting up, she began pacing the halls again, looking for anyone who’d give her a straight answer about this place. But as she rounded the corner she saw a face that just raised more questions, “Bucky?”

 

“Why isn’t she responding?” Bucky chewed his thumb nail, nervously watching through the window.

Steve sighed, trying to keep his own worry under wraps to help his friend, “Sometimes it takes a little longer to--”

“To what, Steve?! To die?” Bucky’s eyes were wide. “Because that’s what’s happening in there – she’s dead!”

He stared at Steve for a moment before his emotions got the best of him, and he crumpled to the floor in tears. Steve crouched beside him, wrapping his arms tightly around Bucky’s trembling frame as he had done when they were kids and Steve had needed him – he knew what it was like to watch the woman that you love slipping away, knowing there was nothing you could do to stop it. “Banner’s gonna save her, Buck.”

 

“Bucky?”

“Hey.” He gave her his gorgeous smile, and though that was the same, he looked completely different stood there in his sergeant’s uniform.

Alex was so confused, “But you’re not dead…” She faltered, “Are you?”

“Every time men go into war a piece of them dies,” They walked together, Alex unable to keep her eyes off him. “You’re wondering what’s different about me, right?” he anticipated her question.

“Well, yeah,” She sat on a table nearby, studying the man before her. “You’re like him, but something’s…”

“Different?”

Alex chuckled, nodding. It would’ve been great to give a more eloquent answer, but she didn’t know what it was that was different.

“A lot of people say its innocence.”

“What is?”

“What men lose going into war, what I am.” Bucky hopped up beside her, removing his hat and placing it next to him. “But I’m not so sure.”

_Alex!_

There it was again, that same whisper. “What do you think it is?” She asked, trying to ignore the distant voice.

“I don’t know exactly what it is, and sure, some its innocence, but that wasn’t all he lost.”

“I’m guessing you’re not talking about the arm.”

He chuckled softly, “He lost who he was. I mean, before all this, he was me. Carefree Bucky Barnes who knew how to charm all the pretty gals.” He nudged her gently.

“I don’t know, he’s still pretty good with that.” Alex spoke with a nostalgic smile.

“I was ready to fight, but I wasn’t ready to die.” She could hear something different in his voice. It was like fear. “Falling from that train…he was here, same as you. But he didn’t have a choice – Hydra made that choice for him. But that left me here – Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, the fallen soldier.”

The two of them sat in silence for a while, Alex still ignoring the voice that seemed to get closer every minute. She felt tired, exhausted of fighting it all.

“It’s funny though, when you’re that close to the end, all you can think of is what you never did and what you’ll never get the chance to do.” She didn’t know whether Bucky was telling her this for her benefit or his own, but she listened nonetheless. “Never had a sweetheart, not like Steve. Until that moment it never felt important to fall in love with someone – but as I fell it was the one thing that I wished I had experienced. That feeling of knowing you were one half of a whole.”

Alex turned to him, taking his left hand in hers, momentarily disorientated by its soft warmth, such a far cry from the solid metal she was used to. “I love you, Bucky.”

He gave her a sad smile, lifting his hand from hers to rest it on her cheek. “No,” his thumb stroked rhythmically across her skin, “You love the man he is without me, and that’s a far better thing than I could’ve wished for. You bought him back to life, Alex.” Bucky brought his other hand up, forcing Alex to keep her eyes on him. “And it’s killing him to think you might not make it.” He eyes were glistening, “I can feel it – it’s like falling from that train all over again.”

“I’m so tired of fighting,” Alex’s voice was almost a whisper.

Bucky wrapped his arms around her tightly, “Just one more time. You’re strong enough to get through this.”

Pulling away, Alex stood, the quiet voices becoming louder and more intrusive, “You hear that?” Bucky asked, coming to stand beside her. “They’re trying to save you.”

He grasped her hand and the sudden contact felt like a shock to her system. “It’s your choice, Alex.” Bucky leant closer, pressing a soft kiss to her lip, shocking her again, more intense this time. “So what’s it gonna be?”


	16. Chapter 16

Bucky and Steve sat in silence and it was like absolutely nothing had changed, but unlike before, Steve had no words of comfort for his best friend - it had taken everything to try and stay positive after the nurse with Banner had closed the blinds in Alex’s room. She’d already flatlined and right now there was little to show them that she was going to live - for all intents and purposes, Alex was already dead.  
  
Letting out a deep sigh, Bucky rose quickly to his feet, hands combing through his hair anxiously as he began to pace back and forth. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do without her, Steve.”  
  
Ordinarily Steve would’ve encouraged his friend to stay positive, but right now he had nothing. “She bought me back when I had nothing - I didn’t even know who I was when I met her.” Bucky scrubbed a hand over his face, “It’s my fault she’d here, I almost got her killed before and now it looks like I’m actually gonna lose her.”  
  
He leant against the wall by Alex’s window, the noises from inside had died down and neither man knew whether that was a good or a bad thing.  
  
After a moment the door swung open revealing Banner, dishevelled and exhausted, cleaning his glasses on the lab coat he was wearing.  
  
“Is she dead?” Bucky asked, eyes beginning to sting with tears at the doctor’s silence, the reality of the situation finally hitting him. “She’s dead, isn’t she?”  
  
Silence passed between the two men, but then slowly the doctor shook his head, a small smile appearing on his face, “No, Bucky, she’s not.”  
  
Bucky couldn’t stop the huge grin that split his face in two, tears spilling from his eyes as the news sank in. Steve stood and embraced his friend - Bucky’s arms were so tight around him, Steve thought he might never be pried from his grip, but it was worth it, knowing Alex would be okay.  
  
“By the looks of it,” Banner started as Bucky finally let go of Steve, “The transfusion is working as I’d hoped.”  
  
“But - but she…her heart. It stopped.”  
  
“It had,” For a long time, he wanted to add, but thought better of it, “but we managed to start it again. We got her vitals steady and it looks like she’ll be okay.”  
  
It was as though a weight had been lifted from Bucky. He knew that they were nowhere near being out of the woods yet, but it felt good knowing that it would be okay. “Can I go in and see her?”  
  
“Now’s probably no the best time, she won’t be awake for a while yet and we could all use some rest.” Bucky opened his mouth to reply, but quickly shut it when the doctor held up a hand. “Don’t argue with a doctor, Barnes. Especially not me, because I’ll win.”  
  
  
After thinking that he’d never sleep, as soon as Bucky lay down, he was out fast. And for the first time in a long time, he didn’t toss and turn.  
  
He woke early and wasted no time in heading down to Alex’s room. As far as he could see, no one else was up yet apart from the same miscellaneous agents who never ever seemed to sleep. Bucky pushed open the door and closed it softly behind him, not wanting to draw too much attention.  
  
Inside, Alex’s form was lying still on the bed, Bucky taking in every detail of her as if to imprint it in his mind to ensure that he would never let her end up in this condition ever again. The way her rosy lips were parted as she breathed, her pale skin was ashen and made to look even lighter by her dark hair that fell on the pillow around her head.  
  
He sat beside her, tentatively taking her hand in his, surprised by the small amount of warmth he felt in her palm, though the tips of her fingers were still icy. It gave him hope.  
  
“Alex?” He whispered, not wanting to wake her, but seeing if she would respond “Alex?” Her fingers twitched a little, her grip tightening almost imperceptibly on his hand. Bucky’s eyes widened, looking at her hand in his, before returning his gaze to her face.  
  
Alex’s eyes began to twitch a little, eyelashes dancing as her eyes moved behind the lids. For a moment Bucky thought it was all going wrong again as her heart rate climbed. But he was shocked when her eyes shot open, her breathing harsh and laboured. Alex sat bolt upright, her eyes the size of saucers as she took in the sights around her, finally settling on Bucky.  
  
“Please tell me you’re the real you,” she said in a panicked tone, causing Bucky’s brow to knit together in confusion, effectively putting her mind at ease. “Never mind.”  
  
“You need to lie down, Alex,” Bucky told her when he realised that Alex wasn’t going to explain herself. “You’ve been through a lot. Just calm down.”  
  
Though it was clear she didn’t want to, Alex lay back down, her eyes still watching the man next to her, not entirely convinced that she was back in the real world. However, the more she looked at him, the more she saw the difference between this Bucky, _her_ Bucky and the one…well, wherever she had been before. His eyes lacked the glimmer that they’d once had, the boyish grin was no longer present; right now his eyes were tired and worried…  
  
“What’s wrong?” Bucky asked, and it was only then that Alex realised how long she must have been staring at him.  
  
“Nothing. It’s just…been a little while since I saw you.” _Not counting weird apparitions of you_ , she thought.  
  
But before he could say anything in return, the door opened behind him, Doctor Banner shuffling in, chart in hand. Raising his eyes and noticing Alex was awake, the doctor stopped short of her bed.   
  
“Alex. You’re awake,” he seemed to be saying it more for his own benefit.  
  
She nodded, “Seems like it. You look worried, why are you worried?” Alex asked, taking in his expression.   
  
“Not worried - confused.” Both Alex and Bucky inclined their heads in sync at the doctor’s words. He would’ve laughed at the fact they resembled puppies if he hadn’t been so shocked by the fact Alex was awake. “I didn’t expect you to be awake so soon after…” He was going to mention the fact that she had technically died, but now was definitely not the time.  
  
He moved over to the monitors beside Alex’s bed and looked over the information they displayed. “Fascinating,” his voice was almost a whisper.  
  
“What is?” Bucky’s brow furrowed.  
  
“Well,” the doctor didn’t take his eyes from the screens, “It seems as though the transfusion of Steve’s blood has repaired and replenished Alex’s cells and after, what happened,” he looked at Bucky knowingly, “it’s as if they’re new cells.”  
  
Bucky nodded in understanding, but Alex couldn’t understand anything that they were talking about. “Wait - Steve gave me blood? Why?”  
  
“I tried, but only Steve was a match.”  
  
“But why?” Alex watched as the two men shifted uncomfortably. “I get the feeling there’s something you’re not telling me. I went to sleep in Bucky’s bed, and I wake up here. What the hell happened?”  
  
Banner turned to Alex, “Maybe I should talk to you about this privately, Alex.”  
  
Her eyes flicked between the two men, Bucky giving the doctor a nod before getting to his feet, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Alex’s forehead. He lingered for a moment, as though making sure she was actually there, taking comfort from her warmth.  
  
With Bucky leaving the room, Alex was left alone with Banner who perched on the side of the bed, removing his glasses to look at her.  
  
“Barnes bought you to me the morning after you’d fallen asleep with him. You were ice cold, your heart rate was dangerously low and it didn’t look good. Hydra’s serum was eating away at your cells - it was killing you and there was nothing I could do - but I had an idea - there was no telling what it would do, but it was all we had.”  
  
“Steve’s blood.” Alex finished his thought.  
  
The doctor nodded, “The original serum was the only chance we had at overpowering Hydra’s pseudo-serum. But there were complications.”  
  
It didn’t look as though he was going to finish, “Which were?” She prompted.  
  
“Your heart stopped.” Her eyes widened, “Technically, you were dead for around half an hour.”  
  
“I was dead?” Her voice was hushed by disbelief, it was difficult even saying the words.  
  
Again, Banner just nodded. “So you can understand my shock at you being wide awake less than twenty-four hours later.”  
  
Well, at least that explained where she’d been. Alex had never really committed to the idea of an afterlife, but right now, limbo seemed like a viable construct. Either that of it was a transfusion-induced dream. Alex didn’t know what she would’ve preferred.  
  
“I need my dad’s files.” She spoke out of the blue.  
  
“What?”  
  
“My dad’s files - I need to see them.”   
  
Banner regarded her carefully, standing again. “I’ll talk to Fury, see what I can do.”  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
Walking out, the doctor gestured Bucky back inside. “So?” he asked, shutting the door behind him.  
  
“Apparently I’m the living dead.”  
  
“Welcome to the club,” he gave her a small smile. “I’ll get you a t-shirt.”  
  
Alex laughed, scooting over a little to leave some space for Bucky to sit beside her. He looked hesitant, but Alex pulled him over and eventually he gave in, sitting and wrapping his arm around her shoulder tightly.   
  
“So, does this make us zombies or what?”  
  
“Alex, I love you - but shut up,” Bucky chuckled, squeezing her a little.  
  
  
A couple of hours later and Banner had sent Fury her way. Walking into her room, he seemed to be wearing the same serious expression that he always wore. “You wanted to see me?”  
  
“I need to see my dad’s files.”  
  
He crossed his arms, standing stoic at the foot of the bed. “What makes you think I have any of your father’s files?”  
  
“Because you like intel, you like to have the upper hand - and I’m willing to bet that when you sent Steve and Bucky to rescue me, you had agents collect up all the information Hydra had. Including my dad’s files.”  
  
There was a moment of quiet where each person studied the other. “If I had these files, why would I just hand them over to you?”  
  
“My dad had a will, it passed all his worldly possessions to my mom. And just the same, my mom had a will that passed hers to me. Hydra stole from my home, my family. They stole from me.” Alex smirked up at him, “You’re not gonna deny me my heritage, are you Fury?”  
  
He grumbled a little knowing he was beat, before straightening up again, “I’ll have them ready for when you’re well enough.” He left without another word.  
  
“Why do you need your dad’s files?” Bucky asked from his seat next to the bed.  
  
“Because I think I know how to fix the serum.”  
  
  



	17. Chapter 17

“Fix it?” Bucky said incredulously, “Alex, please tell me you’re joking.”

She looked up to him and shook her head, “I know how to make the serum the Erskine made it - how my father tried to make it. He had all the puzzle pieces - he just didn’t know how to put them all together until it was too late.”

“And you do?”

“Yes.”

Bucky stood straighter and looked at Alex expectantly, eyebrows raised as he crossed his arms over his chest. “How?”

Alex swallowed, “Well…” she couldn’t exactly tell him about her limbo ‘dream’. Well, she’d convinced herself it was a dream - it didn’t shake her nearly as much as thinking it was real. “I just…worked it out, okay?”

“Not okay.” Bucky relaxed a little, sitting down on the end of her bed. “Alex, you can’t be thinking about this right now. You don’t need to.”

She nodded, “Yeah, I do. My father’s whole career was about finding out what that serum was made of. He died still trying to work it out!”

“So did you!” Alex blanched at Bucky’s outburst. “You want that to happen again, because I don’t. I can’t go through that again.”

Alex went to answer him, but before she could, Bucky moved quickly from the room huffing something under his breath as he slammed the door. And dropping her head into her hands, Alex wondered whether continuing her father’s work was the right thing to do.

 

By midday Alex was up, pacing around her room and waiting for Banner to come. She hadn’t seen Bucky since he stormed out and a part of her thought that was probably for the best - right now she was sure that anything either of them would say to the other they’d probably regret later. Both being a little hot-headed was a dangerous mix and though for the most part it didn’t matter, times like this tested their restraint.

When Banner finally arrived, Alex was practically itching to be out of the room. “How are you feeling?” he asked from the doorway, watching as she fiddled with the edge of her sweater, picking at the sleeve.

“Better, much better,” She spoke a little too quickly. “Has Fury brought my files?”

Banner looked at her a little weirdly, but nodded nonetheless, “They’re in the lab, ready for you to look them over when you’re--”

“Now.” She interrupted. “I could go now.”

“Are you sure you’re ready?”

Alex stood, “I _really_ need to get out of this room. I feel so much better and right now I really just want to be doing something.”

Banner nodded, giving a final look over her vitals, “Well, everything looks steady here, so I don’t see why not.” He helped her rid herself of the various tubes and monitors that he’d put on her and Alex stood, glad to finally be free of the bed she’d been confined to. “Do you want me to call Bucky?”

“No, it’s okay, he’ll find me when he needs me.” Banner sensed some undertone to Alex’s words, but he ignored it. “I’m gonna go to the lab - make a start on those files.”

 

Steve was heading to train when he passed Alex’s room. Glancing inside he saw that the bed was empty, so he carried on - Bucky had mentioned that she was awake and feeling better, and he was glad. Alex made Bucky happy and that meant more to him than anything.

But, as he kept walking, Steve noticed that inside the lab there was someone pacing back and forth, reading something. They stopped, picking up something else and glancing between the two. He opened the door quietly, careful not to disturb them, but as they turned around Steve recognised who it was.

“Alex?”

The voice came out of nowhere and Alex felt the file slip from her hand, the pages littering the floor around her feet. “Steve, hey.” She crouched down, carefully picking up all the paper.

“Sorry,” Steve mumbled, rushing inside to help her, “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

They both stood, Steve handing her the pages he’d managed to collect up. “It’s fine, I was just caught up reading.”

“What are these?” he gestured to the table where numerous other files were fanned out before them.

“My father’s files,” she shuffled the pages back into order as the captain watched her, “I think I know how to fix the serum.”

Alex looked up to see that Steve brows had raised so far they almost met his hairline. “Fix the serum?” his tone was serious, “Does Bucky know?”

“What is it with you guys? I don’t need his permission to do this!”

Steve held up his hands in a placating gesture, “I didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just, I was with Bucky while you were out and it really cut him up - I don’t want to see that happen again. And I don’t want you to get hurt again, Alex. But you do this and there’s gonna be a whole lot of people who’ll want that serum and you’re gonna go back to having a bounty on your head.”

“Hydra’s gone, Steve.”

“You and I both know that’s never true.” He straightened up, ready to leave. “I just want you to be sure that you really want to do this.”

Alex leant back against the table, clutching the pages to her chest, “I have to.”

“For your dad?” She nodded. “I get it. But, Alex, would he want you to put yourself in danger like this?”

And with that Steve turned away from her, making his way back to the door. “Hey,” he turned back at the sound of Alex’s voice. “Thank you. For what you did for me, for Bucky. I don’t know how I can ever repay you for that.”

“Just think carefully about what you’re doing and that’ll be payment enough for me.”

 

It reached eleven in the evening before Bucky decided to look for Alex - it wasn’t that he thought what she was doing with the serum was right, but he was always worrying about her. Every time he was separated from her for an extended period of time, the same old anxieties began to seep in - perhaps something else had gone wrong with her health, or someone else had decided to hurt her or take her away. It seemed that however pissed off he got with Alex, his first instinct was always to protect her, just as she had with him when they first met.

He was walking through the corridor when he spotted Banner walking out of one of the labs. Looking over at the other man, Banner smiled which Bucky gladly returned. “She’s doing a lot better, huh?” the doctor mused, obviously talking about Alex, though it was apparent that her name needn’t be mentioned for either of them to know that.

“Yeah,” he replied, half-heartedly, drawing the doctor’s attention.

“You don’t sound convinced.” Bucky shook his head sighing, “It’s just…this thing with her dad’s files. I don’t think it’s good for her - it’s dangerous, but she can’t see it.”

He and the doctor began to walk further down the corridor together, “I get it, Bucky. Really. You want to protect her because of everything that’s happened - but at the end of the day, this is Alex’s choice to make. But, y’know, we don’t even know if she _can_ fix the serum yet, so you might be worrying about nothing.”

“I guess so,” Bucky’s lips pulled tight as they reached Alex’s lab, hoping the doctor was right.

Inside the lab, Alex was sat cross-legged on the floor, papers spread all around her, a notepad in her hand where she was furiously making notes. Banner pushed open the door, motioning Bucky in before him and with trepidation he walked inside, standing against the wall.

Alex looked up briefly, her eyes flicking between Bucky and Banner as the two men stood nearby, watching her. “Come to see how I’m doing?” she asked them, a little distracted by her notes.

“Yep,” Banner jumped in before Bucky was able to say anything to start an argument.

“Well, you’ll either be pleased or infuriated to hear that I’ve worked it out.” She raised only her eyes to look at Bucky, cocking an eyebrow as if to test his temper.

“That’s fantastic,” he muttered, his tone telling her that it was anything but.

Ignoring the sullen soldier to his side, Banner pulled up a stool, “How?” Alex looked pointedly at Bucky, to which he just shrugged.

“Go ahead. You’re gonna do it anyway.”

“Fine.”

The doctor smiled a little at their stubbornness, as Alex straightened up, bringing her eyes back to him. “When I was--”

“Dead?” Bucky cut in only for Alex to glare at him.

“I had this dream, or vision or whatever - my dad was there, and he told me I could fix the serum. But that wasn’t the helpful part.”

“Then what was?” Banner asked, intrigued for her reply.

“He pointed out a periodic table on the wall - the same periodic table that he had in his lab when I was a kid. My father put my name on those files, not because it needed my DNA to work, but because he knew that I’d be able to work it out when he was gone.”

By this point Bucky found himself listening just as intently as the doctor as she continued, “Erskine nicknamed it a ‘Super Soldier’ serum - but it wasn’t just a nickname. That’s what my dad worked in his last months. That’s what he wanted me to find out.”

The men just stared at her, confused at the point she was trying to make. “It was a puzzle. ‘SUPER’ serum,” She got to her feet, walking over to the periodic table that sat of the far wall. “Sulfur, Uranium, Phosporus and Erbium,“ Alex pointed out each element in turn, their letters spelling out the word ‘super’. “Erskine only ever named one ingredient, the base - Potassium. He was smart enough not to document any of the others - so was my father. When I used to visit my dad at the lab, we’d play this game. He’d give me a word and I’d have to pick out the elements who atomic symbols made up the word. For instance, ‘near’ would be Neon and Argon and ‘more’ would be--”

“Molybdenum and Rhenium,” Banner chipped in, his voice almost a whisper.

“Exactly.”

Banner stood too, looking over the table, his eyes switching between Alex’s notes and the periodic table, “It could work. It’s a long shot, but it could.”

Alex smiled, clearly proud of her achievement. But Bucky couldn’t stand it any longer and he stormed from the room, door slamming loudly behind him. “I should go after him,” she murmured to the doctor, putting the file in her hand back down on the table.

Banner nodded, “We can work on this tomorrow, you need to rest. I mean, you did die the other day.”

 

Alex managed to catch up to Bucky in the hall as he stomped away. “Bucky, wait!”

“Why should I?!”

Practically having to sprint to catch up to him, Alex threw herself in his path causing Bucky to groan. “I know you don’t want me to do this. But I have to. My dad didn’t have the chance to finish what he started - but I can.”

“Just because you can do something, Alex, it doesn’t mean you should.” _‘Sometimes just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should’_ Bucky’s words reminded me of her father’s own. “And honestly, if you really want to put yourself in danger like this…”

“What?” Alex had a terrible feeling in the pit of her stomach when he didn’t answer. “What, Bucky?”

“I don’t think I can stay here with you.”

All Alex could do was stare as Bucky shuffled around her and into his room, shutting the door and leaving her stood in the hall alone.


	18. Chapter 18

Bucky stormed out of the building, needing and wanting the fresh air to clear his head - he didn’t want to leave Alex alone with this but he figured he had to do something bold to try and make her see that what she was doing was dangerous. A couple of months ago he was having to protect her from the bounty that her father’s work had put on her head and now she was going to put it right back there and Bucky couldn’t take it. Watching her lying in that bed and knowing she might not wake up and then finding out from Banner that she had actually been dead for a while was so hard and so emotionally exhausting that he knew he wouldn’t cope with going through it all again.  
  
The anger boiled inside of Bucky and his fist shot out into the tree by his side, the bark cracking and splintering on impact. He felt the trunk rock a little under the force of his punch and he let out a deep sigh - why couldn’t Alex just listen to him? He wasn’t asking for a lot, just for her not to get herself killed. It wasn’t completely unreasonable.  
  
A twig snapped somewhere in the forest behind him and immediately Bucky’s head snapped around, trying to locate the source of the noise. His eyes settled on a figure, obscured by branches, but as he started towards it, something hit against his head knocking him to the ground. Two sets of heavy boots stood in front of him as the world began to fade to black.  
  
  
“Alex?”  
  
She barely registered the other voice as her eyes remained on the door that Bucky had just escaped through. Alex had thought about following him, but he made it clear that if she was going to finish her father’s work, then he didn’t want to be a part of it.  
  
“Alex?” The voice called out again and she jumped a little as a hand came to rest on her shoulder. Turning around she saw that Steve was stood beside her. “Are you okay?”  
  
Her head shook before she even thought about a reply, and Steve’s features softened. He looked around and noticed a particular absence. “Where did Bucky go?”  
  
“He left.” Even Alex could hear the disbelief in her own voice, “He told me that if I wanted to do this - to work on the serum - he couldn’t be here.” She looked at Steve, his jaw had tightened if only a little and for a minute Alex braced herself for Steve to give a few harsh words, but he didn’t. Instead, he just wrapped an arm around her, pulling her into a hug.  
  
“I’m sorry, I know this must be hard - deciding whether or not to do this. And he had no right to put that pressure on you,” He let her go, stepping back a little, “But he’s got a point Alex. He cares about you so much - I know how much it hurts to lose the person you love and he’s already had to go through that once.”  
  
Alex saw his eyes darken a little at the memory of Peggy. She knew a little about her, but when she found out that Steve had lost her a few months ago, Alex’s heart went out to him - he’d been given a second chance at his life and yet he wasn’t able to spend it with the one person that he wanted to. As much as she wanted to deny it, she couldn’t help but think that his story reminded her of what she was putting Bucky through right now. He’d been given his own second chance and yet here she was taking a chance that might kill her.  
  
She nodded at Steve, looking to the door. It was all good her thinking about following in her father’s scientific footsteps but then again her father wasn’t here anymore, none of her family were - the only person she really had now was Bucky, she couldn’t lose him now, not like this. “You know Bucky, where do you think he’d go?”  
  
Steve gave her a small smile, following her out the door, “He likes to go in there,” he nodded toward the cluster of trees near the building. “Helps him think. He went there a lot after you left.”  
  
She swallowed hard, she’d never thought about what Bucky had done after she had gone. It had been too hard to begin with and then she just hadn’t wanted to because every time she did it brought back feelings that Alex didn’t want to feel.  
  
So, she headed toward the trees with the intention of telling Bucky that she cared about him too much to work any further on the serum, but what she found instead was far more worrying than anything that she thought she would find. Just inside the tree line there was a large tree with a broken trunk, a space in the centre the size of Bucky’s mechanical fist. She had expected something like this but there was something more concerning at it’s base, Bucky’s dog tags lay on the ground, the earth around them tossed up as though there had been some kind of fight nearby.  
  
Looking around her, there was no one to be seen. Alex bent down, taking the dog tags in her hand. Bucky never took them off, something was wrong. “Steve!” she called over her shoulder, the captain running over to her and taking in the scene. Seeing the tags in her hand, he realised straight away why she had called to him.  
  
“Get back inside,” he said quietly to her, his eyes watchful of the area around them.  
  
Alex ran towards the building, Steve close behind and once inside she put the tags around her neck, “What happened out there?”  
  
Steve dropped his head and sighed, “Someone took him, Alex. You saw the ground, something happened -  there were three types of footprint. One was Bucky’s, I saw them going into the forest, but the other two, they were only going the other way.”  
  
“Okay, so we go back out there and follow them, right? They’ll lead us to whoever took Bucky.”  
  
He shook his head, “I wish it were that easy, but we wouldn’t know what we were walking into and it could get more people into danger.”  
  
“But Bucky’s missing!”  
  
“And he wouldn’t want me putting you in danger just to find him!”  
  
For a moment they stood in a stalemate, Alex huffing as she eyed Steve. But she knew he’d done things like this before, he was the captain here and it was his duty to keep his team safe. “We talk to Fury and we try to figure this out.” He told her, knowing that he needed to take a firm lead on this.  
  
She nodded a little reluctantly and followed Steve toward the office where Fury spent most of his time. The captain knocked, ever the polite gentleman, and waited patiently for him to call them inside. When he did, the two of them wasted no time in storming inside, standing before a stoic looking Fury sat comfortably at his desk.  
  
“You know who it was, don’t you?” Steve asked, the look on Fury’s face giving the answer he wanted.  
  
He stood, coming around the desk to lean on the front, facing them, “I had my theories.”  
  
“Had your-- and you didn’t think to tell us?” Alex let Steve do the talking, not trusting that she’d be able to talk to the director now that he’d shown his hand. “You just let them take him? It could’ve been any one of us! Who is it?”  
  
“That’s above your pay grade, Rogers. It’s being taken care of.” The director moved back to his seat gesturing to the door. “You’ll be called on when you’re needed.”  
  
“I’m not your assistant, Fury!” Steve’s rage was climbing higher every minute. “These people took my friend and I want to know who they are!”  
  
Fury locked eyes with the captain, his expression much calmer than that of the man before him, “And you will. When we need you to.” His eyes returned to the screen of the computer before him on the desk. “Now if you wouldn’t mind.”  
  
They both stood for a moment and Steve huffed, leaving the room, with Alex following close behind. She waited until the door was closed to say anything. “Are you just gonna let him do that?”  
  
“No,” Steve mumbled, grabbing Alex’s arm and dragging her into the nearest empty room, “You’re good with computers, right?”  
  
Alex shrugged a little, “I guess, why?”  
  
“Because one of us needs to hack Fury’s system and find out what’s going on, and I think we both know it’s not going to be me.” He chuckled despite their situation.  
  
“I’m good with computers, Steve, but I can’t hack SHIELD’s system. That’s next level stuff.”  
  
His brow furrowed, “Then we’re gonna have to get outside help.”  
  
“Who?”  
  
“I know one person who could do it,” Steve sighed as though it pained him to say what he had to. “Stark.”


	19. Chapter 19

It turns out when you're a billionaire, dropping everything to travel to a SHIELD base in the middle of nowhere in your private jet is as easy as popping to the shop. Especially if, as Stark put it, 'the capsicle needs his help'. But as soon as he arrived, Alex could feel the tension between him and Steve.

They met Tony outside when he landed, needing to talk to him before Fury could get out there. Steve stormed from the building, every inch the captain on a mission, eyeing the man as he strutted out of the plane, large shades covering his eyes - he looked like he owned the place - hell, he probably could own the place if he wanted, government facility or not. Alex had to admit that she was a little bit star struck; it was one thing meeting Captain America, mild mannered Steve Rogers who kept himself to himself - but this was billionaire playboy Tony Stark. Before all this happened to her not a day went by without Alex seeing him on the news in one form or another; he was a celebrity and here she was asking him to break the law in order to help her find her ex-assassin boyfriend. It was one of those moments where Alex had to remind herself that this was actually her life now, as crazy as it all seemed.

"Stark," Steve greeted him with a curt nod.

"Why exactly am I here, Spangles?" Tony took off his shades, slipping them into his jacket pocket.

Steve's brow furrowed, "I told you on the phone."

"I know, I just wanna hear you say it again."

The captain let out a deep sigh, already fed up with his attitude, "We need your help."

"And who is we?" He flashed that billion dollar smile at Alex, "Hi, Tony Stark."

"Alex."

"Alex is Bucky's girlfriend," Steve filled him in.

"Terminator fetish?" She laughed as Steve's face contorted in confusion, Tony's joke flying way over his head. "Does Fury know I'm here?"

As if on cue, Fury strolled out of the building towards them, "He does now," Alex mumbled.

"You can't tell him why we got you here."

Tony rolled his eyes at the obvious request, "My lips are sealed, Cap."

"Stark!" All three of them straightened up when they heard the voice. "I don't remember you mentioning that you were dropping by." The director looked between them, clearly hoping to find out Stark's real purpose here, but they were tight lipped.

Tony shrugged, "I was bored, so I thought I'd come visit." Only he would be able to get away with that excuse, the ADD child of the Avengers family. "What can I say, Fury, I missed you."

Neither Alex nor Steve could believe it when Fury just smiled, shaking his head, "I have not missed you, Stark."He turned around, heading back in, "I've got my eye on you." They couldn't tell if that was directed at Stark or all of them - but they knew that with Fury, nothing was going to be that easy. Nonetheless they weren't deterred from their plan.

Thankfully, Tony waited until Fury was out of sight before he started, "So, is there somewhere we go now, or am I doing this out here? Not that I couldn't, it just seems like the lack of computers might slow me down."

"I don't believe that for a second," Steve smirked before guiding Alex and Tony back inside, "We'll go to the lab."

Somehow, on the way to the lab, Tony had managed to coerce Banner into joining them and though the doctor was adamant in his reluctance at being part of their highly illegal activity, it seemed they had added a fourth member to their team.

Within minutes of walking into the lab, Tony had set himself up as though he'd been there for years.

"How long will this take?" Steve asked, chewing on his thumbnail, nerves beginning to show. It was hard on Alex, not knowing where Bucky was, but she couldn't possibly understand how hard it was on Steve. Over seventy years ago, he'd lost Bucky the first time and then he was frozen only to wake up and find that the enemy that he'd spent so long fighting was actually the best friend he'd grieved for. It was a miracle when Bucky remembered his old life and in that moment Steve's best friend had been returned to him, but now there was a chance that all that could be taken away again. And it was all her fault.

As though he could read her mind, Steve appeared at Alex's side, resting a hand comfortingly on her shoulder, "This isn't your fault, Alex. Whoever did this, they were looking for Bucky, and they'd have got to him at one time or another."

She nodded, but she didn't quite believe his words, "What if they hurt him?"

"You can't think that way," Steve took her to one side and sat her down, taking her hand in his, "We need to stay positive, we found Bucky once, we'll find him again. At least this time he knows who he is and Alex, he'll be fighting just as hard to get back here - he's a soldier." She felt the grip Steve had on her hand tighten a little reassuringly.

Their heads shot up as they heard Tony clap his hands from the other side of the lab. "I'm in." He grinned, tossing a blueberry into the air and catching it in his mouth - where he'd got them from, nobody knew. "That was actually faster than last time, Fury's slipping."

"Great, can you find out who's got Bucky?" Steve asked urgently, getting to his feet.

"It'll take more searching, Old Timer," Tony muttered, "Its not as if Fury has files named 'Bucky Hunters' or 'Nuclear Codes'."

"Cut it out, Stark," Steve squared his shoulders. "We don't have time for joking around."

"There's always time for joking around," he countered.

Alex didn't see this ending well, so she placed herself between the two men, cutting off Steve who had gone to continue arguing with Tony. "What we don't have time for is you two to have a bitch fit."

This seemed to silence them both, Steve returning to the other side of the room, as if sharing the same air as Tony made him want to punch the guy in the face.

"I like her," Tony pointed at Alex as he returned to the monitor he was using to hack SHIELD's systems. "She part of the new team?"

"Not if Bucky's got anything to say about it," Steve mumbled.

"What new team?" Alex looked between the two men, but neither said anything, so she looked to Banner who sat quietly in the corner. "What new team?"

"Don't worry about it," Banner shrugged. "Right now you should focus on getting Bucky back."

She narrowed her eyes, "Fine, but when we find him, I want answers."

Steve nodded, hoping she'd forget about it all by the time Bucky was back. It wasn't that Alex wouldn't have been a great addition to the new Avengers team, but he knew that Bucky wouldn't forgive them, or himself, if something happened to her. That was if they could get to him in time.

"I think I might have found our guy," Tony said, bringing a file on screen, enhancing it with a flick of his wrist. "And this might be the best code name yet - I'm a little jealous."

He span the screen so the others could see it, and seeing the pictures, Alex felt her heart sink. "Crossbones." Her voice came in a terrified whisper as flashbacks of being at the Hydra base filled her head.

"You know him?" Tony inquired, but Alex turned to Steve.

"He was running the place...the place they kept me. He was Jake's boss."

Steve's brows knit together, his jaw tightening, "He's Hydra?"

Alex shrugged, "I don't know, but he's definitely not a good guy." The captain urged her on, but there wasn't much else to say, "I only saw him for like, five minutes. His suit, it covered his whole body, not one bit of him was exposed."

"His face?"

"Mask. Like metal, a kind of skull etched on the front," Alex answered, I'm sorry I can't tell you more, but that's all I saw of him. He wasn't there when you stormed the place?"

Steve shook his head, eyes cast down, "I didn't see him. Doubt if Bucky had saw him either, he wouldn't be alive if he had."

They all stood there in silence, eyes scanning through the file SHIELD had collected on Crossbones. According to the information, he'd been active in the field for little under two years, but in that time he'd made quite the impression, earning him a top three ranking on SHIELD's most-wanted list and though he was linked to Hydra, he seemed to be working for his own side. What wasn't completely clear to them was why he wanted Bucky. As far as they could tell, his skill set was a match for if not stronger than Bucky's and though he'd wanted Alex for attempting to perfect the super-soldier serum she could tell it wasn't for personal use.

"So what's his game plan?" Tony asked the question on everyone's mind.

"He wants him back..." Alex murmured, Steve's eyes locking with hers.

"Who?" Banner was as confused as Tony by the other two's apparent understanding.

"Their Asset," Steve crossed his arms tightly, "The Winter Soldier."

Suddenly they all recognised the meaning behind Steve's words - Crossbones wanted the soldier, he just didn't need Bucky Barnes.

 

Bucky struggled to open his heavy eyes, fighting against the sedative he'd been given. Cheek pressed against the cold stone floor, he blinked in the harsh artificial lighting that flooded his still-hazy vision.

"Wakey-wakey, soldier."

The voice came from somewhere he couldn't see, but the sedative still in his system meant he hadn't the energy to search for its source. However, that problem was solved when heavy boots thudded into sight.

"Who..." Bucky's throat was dry, his voice struggling to make itself heard. He paused a while, gaining the strength to speak. "Who are you?"

"The man who's raise you back to the weapon you were born to be."

The man's words came out in strained, husky voice, and it wasn't the tone of his voice but what he said that chilled Bucky to his core. Behind the man he could make out a helmet, skull design on its front. Soon enough however, his view was obscured as his captor crouched down before him. The sight was something that would stay with Bucky for a long time - his face was covered with burnt, scarred skin, not an inch was left unblemished.

With each small movement of his face, Bucky could see how the new, thin skin pulled taught against his bones, whatever had scarred him couldn't have happened that long ago.

"I hope you said your goodbyes."


	20. Chapter 20

Bucky didn't know how long he'd been in this place, the room he was kept in was dark, no windows to tell him when one day ended and another began. They didn't feed him or let him drink - why would they? He was nothing to them. The man he came to know as Crossbones came in every so often, each time 'asking' if he'd cooperate, but every time Bucky refused and thus his throat was now dry and swollen, every swallow like a blade being dragged down his throat.

He'd fought so hard against his restraints that the chains had started to cut into his flesh, both his wrist and his ankles were sore and he could see where the skin had begun to break. Dropping his head, Bucky let out a strangled cry, limbs too tired to continue his struggle and finally his thoughts strayed to the one place he'd been trying to stay away from.

 

"We can't do that and you know it!"

Tony huffed, "Why not? We get a couple of agents, we go in and we take the guy out - that's what SHIELD does!"

"We can't tell Fury about this. He made it pretty clear that SHIELD's in no hurry to get to Crossbones - hell, the reason we brought you here was because he wouldn't even tell us who it was." Steve continued in a more measured tone. "We're on our own here."

"Going rogue? Seems a little off-piste for you, Rogers."

Steve sat, "Yeah, well when it comes to getting Bucky back, there's nothing I won't do."

Alex, who'd watched the two men argue from the sidelines, took this chance to speak up, "We're gonna need that can-do attitude if it's just going to be us three doing this."

"What about Banner?" Tony's brow furrowed.

She shook her head, "He'll do what he can for us here, but he doesn't want to be out there and we have to respect that."

"And we will," Steve nodded, "but it would've been helpful to have the other guy on our side."

"Well, like it or not, it's the three of us now."

"Why don't we get the team together?" Tony asked, inclining his head.

Steve just sighed, "Barton and Romanoff, they're Fury's agents. You really think they're gonna turn their back on him for this?" He stood, hands coming to settle on his hips. "No, Alex is right, it's just us. But, four of us, not three."

Tony and Alex shared the same confused expression, prompting Steve to explain, "We gonna need eyes in the air."

 

It only took Sam an hour to get to them, disappointing Tony when he found that the man had driven and not flown. Alex for one was relieved that Sam had agreed, adding another to their team could only be a good thing. But chances were they would still be severely outnumbered when they reached Crossbones.

Tony was still decrypting SHIELD's files on Crossbones, all of them eagerly waiting and watching to see if there was anything else that would help them fight this guy - some weakness, a chink in his armour - anything that would give them a slightly better chance of walking out of this fight alive.

"Guys, I think you're gonna want to see this," Tony called them over to where he stood. On the screen before them, Tony had decrypted video footage of the last sighting of Crossbones. He cut a dark, foreboding shape against the backdrop of the city, the suit he wore making his appearance almost inhuman. Wave after wave of SHIELD agents went at him, guns raised, but each and every one he cut to floor - they barely even slowed him down. He was certainly a force to be reckoned with, and Alex could feel the anxiety that now hung in the air between the group as the footage came to an end, Crossbones standing tall amongst his destruction.

"I don't want to be a downer," Sam started, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. "But if God knows how many trained SHIELD agents can't take this guy down, how can we?"

Something switched inside Alex's head, her fear and anxiety quickly changing to rage, as she stormed from the room, heading toward the lab where Banner had settled himself. Hearing someone come in, Bruce looked up from his work to see Alex, face like thunder. "Are you okay?"

However he got no reply from Alex, who quickly moved to her side of the lab where her father's files were now packed back into their boxes. But not for long as Alex picked them up and flipped them, the contents spilling to the floor below. Then, getting to her knees, she began to search through, looking for one page in particular. The door to the lab opened again, Tony, Sam and Steve walking in only to find Alex tossing papers around in a flustered manner. They exchanged looks, none of them quite knowing how to approach the situation, but eventually it was silently decided that Steve was the man for the job.

"Alex, are you okay?" She didn't reply, just kept searching. "What are you looking for?"

He was once again ignored as Alex kept clawing at the paper, looking and then tossing them aside when they apparently weren't what she was looking for. Eventually she settled, grasping one of the pages in her hand and crossing the room to Banner, the other three watching after her.

"How quickly can you make this?" She asked urgently, and it took Banner a moment to realise that the question was directed at him.

He took the page from her, reading through it. No one spoke as the doctor read, but all eyes were on him. "Why?" He asked, no one but Alex knowing what the question actually meant.

"It's the only way we can do this," she sighed, eyes pleading.

Banner shook his head, removing his glasses, "I thought you decided--"

"I know, but given our situation I've reviewed that decision. How long?"

"A week."

"A week?"

"At the most."

"So it might not take that long?"

Banner shrugged, "I have to check your calculations, test, and test again, but if I work solidly, it might be able to get it done quicker."

"Excuse me?" Tony cut in, raising his hand like a kid in class, drawing their eyes to him. "Mind explaining what's happening here?"

"The serum," Alex started, not looking at Steve, but knowing he disapproved already, "Same that was used on Steve and Bucky, I worked out the formula."

"I thought we discussed this," Steve's words came through tight lips.

She nodded, "That was before I was the dead weight in a team with three Avengers." Though he wanted to argue the point, Steve knew exactly where Alex was coming from. He'd been there himself and though Alex had more skills than scrawny little Steve Rogers, she would be nothing against Crossbones - hell, he didn't even know whether he'd be any help. But if the calculations were wrong they'd be a man down when it came to fight, plus even if they managed to get Bucky out, he might kill Steve for letting Alex do this. "I need to do this, Steve. I can't sit on the sidelines and I don't have the skill to fight."

"There's got to be another way," he countered, "If Bucky found out--"

"Bucky's not the boss of me. There's not enough time for me to train for this. Steve, it's my choice to make."

The captain's jaw tightened, but instead of fighting her, he simply nodded before turning to Banner, "We make sure that these calculations one hundred percent before anything done."

The doctor nodded and Steve turned his attention to Stark, "Alex has got the original plans for the machine your father used on me - how long would it take you to replicate it?"

"Three days," Stark said without a second thought. "How should I know, Rogers? I need the plans first."

Alex rummaged through the pile again, before pulling out a few pages and handing them to Tony. Again, the room was quiet as he read through the schematics. "Okay, so I was right the first time. Three days."

"That just leaves us with one problem," Alex said, drawing the room's attention. "Fury. We build a big machine, he's probably gonna notice what we're doing."

"He was all behind you recreating the serum," Banner reminder her, "We can tell him that, we just won't tell him the end game. It gives an explanation for everything, why we'd 'test' it on you, why Tony's here."

"It's not a bad plan," Sam interjected. "Whether he believes it or not is a different story."

"I say Cap tells him," Tony said, taking too much enjoyment from their situation, "I mean, look at that honest face. Who wouldn't believe him?"

"He's got a point," Alex shrugged.

 

"So, she's decided to do it now?" Fury asked skeptically.

It was easier than Steve thought it would be to lie to Fury, probably because he wasn't technically lying, just omitting certain parts. "Alex wants to keep her mind off Bucky while you look for him, this seemed the best use of her time."

"So how come you're the one telling me, Rogers?"

"She wanted to get started straight away."

Fury seemed to stare at him for a while as though Steve had some kind of tell when lying, which right now he really hoped he didn't. "Well I guess that's why Stark's here, then," Steve nodded, "Tell Alex I'll be checking in."

Steve walked out, breathing a sigh of relief that the director seemed to have believed him, but who could say whether that wasn't just an act. Nevertheless, the captain felt a weight lifted from his shoulders at the thought of no longer having to outright lie to Fury. He retraced his footsteps back to the lab where four sets of eyes turned to him expectantly as soon as he walked through the door.

"We're on."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought given that it was such a big gap between the last two updates, I should do another :)


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a little and for that I'm sorry, but here's the next chapter for you - enjoy :)

Everything started moving very quickly after Steve gave them the okay. Bruce and Tony were working day and night on their respective projects, the doctor spent at least ninety percent of his time in the lab at his desk checking and rechecking Alex's working - with what they were planning there was no place for error, however small. Likewise, Tony occupied an entire room with his work and as he started to put the machine together, Steve began to realise just how much Tony resembled his father - sure he'd always had the Stark attitude, but every so often, when the captain passed the mechanic's workspace he had to remind himself that it wasn't Howard bustling around inside but his grown up (pain in the ass) son.

Unfortunately, when deciding to go ahead with making the serum, Alex hadn't factored in her own part in the preparation which, as it turned out, was essentially nothing. So, instead of having a productive role like the rest of their little team, all she could do was wait and worry, about Bucky, about herself - hell, there probably wasn't a thing that Alex wasn't worried about. Her anxiety levels were soaring so high that some kind of implosion was bound to come sooner or later.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Steve asked for what felt like the billionth time. "Because there's still time to back out, we can find another way." Alex looked him dead in the eye and he knew that they were done talking about this.

She sighed, "We've got to get him back, Steve. He doesn't have much time, for all we know it's already too late."

"You can't think that way."

"I made Bucky a promise that I wouldn't let them take him again, and I went back on that promise."

"Alex, this isn't your fault."

"Isn't it? I should've stopped him leaving, or at least gone after him. But I didn't and now he's gone and we don't know if he's coming back. At least not as the Bucky we know."

They both sat silently as the truth of Alex's last comment weighed heavy on both their minds. Steve had just got Bucky back, his friend was just beginning to return to the man he used to be and if that was taken away, if his best friend was stolen from him again...he couldn't even entertain the thought of it.

But Alex, her life had been turned upside down by Bucky's presence and helping him rediscover the man he used to be had given a purpose when she'd had none. Everything had changed since he came into her life and she had the awful, heavy feeling that if she lost him now, not only would her life never return to 'normal', but she'd be left with a dark, empty hollow inside her that used to be taken up by him and the love they shared. Alex had always loved Jane Eyre growing up and the thought of losing Bucky gave her the same feeling that Rochester had at the thought of losing Jane...

'...it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame. And if that boisterous Channel, and two hundred miles or so of land come broad between us, I am afraid that cord of communion will be snapt; and then I've a nervous notion I should take to bleeding inwardly.'

It was so true of the way she felt for Bucky - that was why she needed to do this.

"Cap?" Sam broke the silence in the room and brought them both back to reality. "Can we talk?"

Steve looked to Alex who nodded her head towards the direction Sam was standing in and though he looked at her for a moment with sympathetic eyes, eventually he stood, giving her hand a light squeeze for comfort before he got up and left.

In the back of her mind, behind all the other worries, was a singular thought in Alex's mind - there was still a chance that her serum might not work. And in that case, bluntly put, she would die. And if, by some miracle, Steve, Sam and Tony managed to recover Bucky from Crossbones without getting themselves killed, she wouldn't be there to explain why she took the chance.

"Are we sure that Alex is ready for this?" Sam spoke in a hushed tone as he and Steve eyed the woman in question from the corner of the room, her back to them. "Like, she's thought this through, right?"

"Yeah, she's thought about it a lot, I don't know whether she'll ever be a hundred percent sure, but I know that if I ask her again she'll probably kill me." Both men smirked, knowing the truth of it, "How's Banner?"

"He's getting there. Dude's worked day and night for days, I practically had to force him to go take a nap yesterday." Sam shrugged, "How's Stark?"

Steve gave him a look that said a lot, "He's making progress." He'd come to learn not to ask Stark what he was doing as the man never seemed to have a serious answer and his blood boiled with every snarky comment that the billionaire made.

The two men watched as Alex quickly got to her feet and walked from the room, Steve moving to follow her, but Sam put a hand on his chest, halting his movement. "Give her space, man. You can't keep watching her like a hawk. What can she do?"

"I don't know," Steve shrugged, before mumbling, "That's what I'm afraid of."

 

Bucky had barely lifted his head for three days, there didn't seem to be much point. What would he look at? The wall? The array of faceless guards that came to beat him into submission? There was nothing worth seeing in this place. He wasn't a man known for giving up, but right now, Bucky was having a lot of trouble remembering why.

He wasn't sure whether Alex and Steve would have any way to track him down and after the way he'd spoken to Alex, he didn't know whether she would even try. He stopped right there - of course she would - she would because he knew that if she'd said those things to him, he would still go to the four corners of the earth to try and bring her back.

The room echoed with the metallic sound of the door being unlocked in front of him. Naturally he didn't bother to raise his head, what was the point? Heavy footsteps seemed to shake the ground, moving closer to him. "I gotta give you credit, Barnes. You're tougher than I thought you'd be." A chair scraped along the stone, his captor seating himself against the wall, "But then again, they always said you were the best."

Bucky remained silent, a throaty chuckle coming from the man in front of him, "Not a talker? That's fine. Not a problem, I've always liked the sound of my own voice. You know what else I've always liked?"

Again, silence.

"Your little girlfriend. Alex, is it?" This time, though Bucky made no sound, he did tug hard on the chains the bound him, the mention of Alex from this guy made him seethe with anger. "Oh, did I hit a nerve?"

Bucky lifted his head, eyes hard, staring daggers at his aggressor, "I'll take that as a 'yes'. So, here's the thing, I want you to fight alongside me, ideally as your choice, but I'm not totally against wiping your memory again." Crossbones smirked at the tightening of Bucky's jaw, he stood, taking a step towards his prisoner, gripping his chin and forcing him to meet his eye, "Fight me on this and I pay your girlfriend a visit. And then I'll bring her here and I'll torture her, right here in front of you until you agree."

Crossbones released the soldier from his grip and as his words sank in, Bucky's head once again dropped down, "Just think about it, Soldier."

 

Alex slipped the folded page into an envelope, writing Bucky's name on it - _at least that's one thing sorted_. Hearing the door to her room open, she quickly pocketed the letter so no one would see it.

"Alex?" Steve popped his head in, eyes settling on her where she sat. "Doctor Banner wanted to see you."

She nodded with a smile, "I'll be right out."

When she arrived in the lab, the doctor was quick to send Steve away, knowing that he needed to speak with Alex alone. For a while they sat in silence, neither sure that they wanted to broach the subject first.

"It's done," Banner said finally, taking off his glasses, eyes tired from countless sleepless nights he'd stayed up to ensure that he perfected the serum. "As soon as Tony's ready with the machine, we'll be good to go."

"Okay."

"I know that Steve has probably asked you this countless times already - but are you sure you want to do this? Because you can say no, Alex. No one here would think any less of you."

"I would," she sighed, "I know the rest of you guys might not understand why I'm doing this, I'm not entirely sure myself, but I do know that it's not just about my dad and Bucky anymore. My whole life I've never felt like I knew what to do, but now, doing this - it might blow up in my face - but somehow I _know_ I have to do it."

Bruce nodded, "I understand, Alex, I do. I was where you are now once and though the experiment didn't go as planned, I would've regretted not doing it." The doctor stood to face Alex, "So I _do_ understand why you're doing this, and now I'm sure that you know why you're doing this, I have no problem handed over the serum and letting you do this."

"Thank you."

The door of Banner's lab swung open to reveal Tony, dishevelled and wiping his hands of grease, "Well, if there was any doubt before it can be obliterated because I, my friends, am a genius."

"And so humble about it," Steve added from the doorway behind him, "Tony's finished the machine." He clarified, knowing now that the Stark work ethic had to be some genetic thing passed from father to son.

"So we're good to go?" Alex spoke with just a little trepidation, receiving nods from the others.

Bruce turned to her, "Whenever you're ready."

"Okay then," her eyes settled on each man in turn, taking in their various expressions of concern, "Let's do this."


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so it's been a while since my last update, but there's method in my madness - basically, because I've got a lot of uni work to do before Christmas I've been writing the next few chapters of this story so I can update weekly while I finish my other work :)
> 
> In other news - OH MY GOD THE CIVIL WAR TRAILER. MY HEART. MY BABIES. D': (although it did give me some ideas on where to take this story)
> 
> Anyway, hope you all enjoy the update :3

_Fingers gently stroked through the hair that fanned against the bedcovers, carefully tucking the strands away from her slumbering face. It had been a long time since he felt this kind of peace of mind, just lying here with her in his arms. He carefully touched his thumb to her parted lips, the lips that kissed away his hurt, that brought him back to life._

It was such a simple memory, one of many he had of lying awake at night with Alex in his arms, but Bucky would've given anything to be in that moment again right now - away from all the drama and danger.

He felt the blood trickle down his face, dropping to the floor beneath him, the crimson pool growing steadily larger with each passing moment. Bucky was beginning to feel light-headed from the beatings he'd taken and the resultant blood loss. He wanted to give up, let go...just close his eyes and let whatever was going to happen, happen. Even the will he had to stay alive and fight to get back to Alex and Steve was getting fainter as the days dragged on. But amongst his tumultuous thoughts, there was one thing that Bucky knows for sure - if he didn't find some way out, he was going to die here.

The door opened as it had each and every day before, and Bucky's body involuntarily tensed as the same heavy footsteps thudded inside.

"Morning," Crossbones' voice, though still menacing, was far too upbeat for the soldier's liking, "Are we gonna cooperate today?" One thing was certain in his aggressor's tone - he was enjoying this.

Bucky's voice was hoarse, his throat so dry that his reply could barely be heard. "What was that, soldier?" Crossbones bent lower, an ear angled at his prisoner.

"I'll do it," he forced out, though his mind - and throat - protested. "I'll do it...if you promise not to hurt her."

He didn't look up to see the smirk plastered on Crossbones' face as he straightened himself up again. "You got yourself a deal, Barnes. While you fight for me, I won't touch your little girlfriend. And as long as you hold up your end, I'll hold up mine."

It was like he had made a deal with the devil, Bucky felt a part of him slip away as his fate was sealed with a heavy hand on his shoulder as Crossbones crouched down in front of him. "This is the start of a beautiful partnership, Barnes."

 

Alex had never felt this much like the centre of her attention in her entire life. Every set of eyes in the room were on her, but for how it made her feel it may as well have been the entire building's eyes looking her way. Keeping her own eyes cast down, she prepared for what would happen next.

Tony and Bruce stood in front of her, like anxious parents on their child's first day at school, concerned for her wellbeing. "Once we get you into the machine, Tony will flip the switch and you'll be injected--"

"Can I _not_ have this described to me in detail?" Alex interrupted Banner, nausea settling in her stomach.

The doctor nodded, and Tony stepped up, "Look kid, you're in good hands here and we're all on track to make you a superhero, but if you get in there and at any point you want out just scream or something, okay? That's all there is to it."

"Okay," Alex nodded, standing a little straighter as she tried to psych herself up. "Let's do this."

The mechanic clapped her on the back and they moved to the machine, only to have everyone halt at the sound of a door slamming loudly behind them.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Fury bellowed from behind them. "I had my suspicious about what this really was when the captain came to me, but I didn't think for a second that this was what was going through your mind!"

"Sorry, Nick, which one of us are you talking to?" Tony piped up.

"For once, Stark - not you." He stormed over, stopping in front of Alex. "What do you think you're doing?"

She looked him dead in the eye, "I'm going to get into this machine that Tony made and have it inject me with a serum that may or may not work to try and gain some kind of power that will help us get Bucky back from Crossbones." Alex spoke in one long breath, figuring that they were well passed the point of being able to lie about this.

Fury stood stoic, his eye firmly focused on her as she refused to back down. Eventually he gave a deep sigh, "There isn't a damn thing I can do to stop you, is there?"

"Nope."

"And is this safe?" He turned to Bruce and Tony, who nodded with a tiny amount of uncertainty.

"Fine, but if you're doing this now, I'm staying," Fury sat down on one of the desk, making it clear that he would not be moved.

After a moment's pause, Tony turned back to Alex, "Shall we?"

"Uh...yeah."

When they reached the machine, Alex noticed Steve standing next to it. She'd almost forgotten that he was in there, he'd been so quiet. He gave a small reassuring smile, and nodded to Tony to give them a moment. "So you're really gonna do this?"

"Looks that way," Alex stepped into the machine, feeling the cool metal against her back. She grasped Steve's hand before he could move away, "What's it like?"

He knew exactly what she meant, "It hurts. White hot pain for a solid couple of minutes, then it's not sa bad."

"Thanks for the sugar-coating on that." Alex laughed nervously, but Steve just placed his hands on her shoulders.

"You're gonna be okay, Alex. I promise."

She nodded, and he gave her shoulders a squeeze before stepping out of the way so Tony could strap her in. When all the prep was done, Alex felt a little more at ease, whether she had just accepted her fate or not, her anxiety seemed to have lessened. "Good luck, kiddo." Tony said his parting words and stepped away, closing the door.

It was dark and for the first time in a long time, Alex felt as though she was alone. She could still hear the commotion on the other side of the door, but she could feel the distinct barrier between her and the others.

"You okay in there?" She heard Steve's muffled voice.

"Yeah."

"Tony's gonna start the machine soon," he sounded more nervous than she felt. "Last chance to back out."

Alex gave a weak chuckle, "Let's do this."

Steve gave Tony the nod, and he began flipping switches, "Ten..." he started the countdown. "Nine..."

From inside, Alex could only hear Tony's voice faintly in comparison to her hammering heartbeat.

"Three...Two...One..." He turned the dial and his machine finally came to life.

For a brief moment between his worries for Alex, Steve wondering whether this was what it was like for Peggy to watch his own transformation. The worry he felt for Alex was near-crippling - at every increasing power, the sound of Alex's cries grew. Steve knew she wouldn't stop them, he saw a lot of himself in her - she wanted to fight, she wanted to save Bucky, and if this was the way to do it, Alex was going to bare any amount of pain this process could throw at her.

A light shone brightly through the small window on the front of the machine and each man in the room had to squint, shielding their eyes from the glaring luminescence. Tony's eyes remained firmly on the panel in front of him, hand still turning the dial that was so near the 100% mark it was ramping up the tension in the room.

"Full power!" Tony yelled over the noise of the machine and Alex's cries. Steve watched along with the other in the room as slowly the light began to get dimmer and Alex grew silent inside. By the time that Tony had turned the machine off, they couldn't hear a even a whimper from within.

The captain sprang into action, "Open it up!"

Tony rushed over, making quick work of the locks and swinging the door open, reveal Alex's form within. She didn't look radically different, not taller like he had been, but Steve noticed that her arms and legs, even her abs were more toned than they'd been before she went in. "Alex," he held her face in his hands, forcing her dazed eyes up, "Are you okay? How do you feel?"

"Better," she spoke in a hushed tone, her chest heaving as though she'd just run a marathon.

"I want to keep you in here for the next few hours to make sure there's no side effects," Banner said, as he sat opposite Alex, shining a light into each eye to check her responses. "I can't see any immediate concerns, but we've been burned before, so I'd like to be certain this time."

Steve and Sam were watching on anxiously, as Tony came back into the room, a glass of scotch in his hand. "You really think this is the time for a drink?" the captain asked, judgement rich in his voice.

"We just created a new superhero, Rogers, is there any better time?" He took a long swig from the glass, "Besides, pushing all those buttons and turning that dial...it was just exhausting." Tony backed up his statement with an over-dramatic sigh.

"How do we even tell if this has worked?" Fury asked, standing behind Bruce as he continued to check over his patient, "It's not like she suddenly looks like Rogers."

"Which is a blessing if you think about it," Tony chipped in, causing the captain to send a glare his way, "What? You don't exactly have a feminine figure, Alex would look ridiculous with your body." He continued with a faux-innocence. Steve huffed, turning his eyes back to Alex to keep from punching the mechanic who simply grinned.

Alex looked between Fury and Bruce, "So when can we get started on tracking Bucky down?"

"When the doctor gives you the all-clear and not a minute before," Fury's voice was firm. Alex opened her mouth to reply, but he simply raising a hand to silence her, "Not up for discussion."

He moved swiftly towards the door, pausing briefly by Steve, "I'm trusting you to keep this situation under control from here on out, Captain." He nodded and Fury continued out the door, shutting it firmly behind him.

 

 

 


	23. Chapter 23

Fury stared at the footage on the screen in front of him - it was the outcome he’d most feared from this whole incident. They would have to speed up their plan of action now, they couldn’t let this kind of destruction happen again. But, what was going to be most difficult above this new turn of events would be breaking the news to Alex and Steve.  
  
He stood - no time like the present.  
  
  
“Can I speak to you two for a moment?”   
  
Steve and Alex looked towards the doorway where Fury stood, their chests rising and falling heavily from the exertion of  the training regimen. Fury took their silence as a cue to continue. “It’s about the mission.”  
  
“What about it?” Steve asked quickly, concerned by Fury’s tone. “Has something happened?”  
  
The director nodded, “And it’s changed everything.”  
  
The two watched on, waiting for Fury to continue, but when he didn’t Steve prompted him impatiently, “Are you gonna tell us what happened or are you just gonna let us stew?”  
  
He sighed heavily, touching a screen near them and typing until video footage began to play. Fury stepped aside, gesturing for Steve and Alex to watch. The captain’s lips were tight with impatience as he crossed his arms over his chest, Alex by his side, stepping a little closer as the footage played on. It started the same as the numerous ones that they had seen before now, Crossbones, large and foreboding as he was had open fired on a group of the many faceless agents that S.H.I.E.L.D. had working for them. But this time was different, he had only one gun, but the shots that were fired seemed to take down double the agents. It just wasn’t possible.  
  
“Who’s firing the other shots?” Steve enquired of the director, “Is he working with someone?”   
  
Fury stayed quiet under the captain’s questioning eye, as did Alex, whose eyes remained fixed on the video as something else came into view. Her jaw slacked and she could barely find her voice, “…Steve…You’re gonna want to see this.”  
  
Sharply he turned his head back, squinting a little at the screen, but his eyes widened immeasurably when he realised just what Alex had called his attention to. “Is that…?” He too found it difficult to articulate, the mere thought of it had been painful enough, but the reality of seeing Bucky on that screen - no, not Bucky - he wasn’t Bucky in that footage, he was the Soldier again. It broke Steve’s heart to see him there, he couldn’t even imagine what Alex was feeling as she stood, motionless, her eyes focused only on the screen.  
  
Numb. That’s the only word Alex could use to describe her current state…it was just numbness. After everything they’d done, after all she’d been through with the goal of getting Bucky - _her_ Bucky - back from Crossbones, in an instant it had all been for nothing.   
  
“When do we leave?” She asked suddenly causing both Fury and Steve to turn their heads sharply towards her, confusion written all over their faces. “What? We’re going after them, right? That was the plan. That’s still the plan; because I’m not sitting back and neither of you can make me. So, when so we leave?”  
  
“As soon as we have a location on them we want to send the team out right away,” Fury’s tone was calmed and measured, his face however, told a different story. “Stark’s still here, so is Wilson. I want you all ready to leave the minute we find out where they are.”  
  
Steve gave a stiff nod, walking from the room, inevitably going to ‘suit up’, Fury following close behind. Thankfully they seemed to pick up on the fact that Alex wanted to be alone for a little while to process what they’d just found out.  
  
It was like her heart hurt. The thought that Bucky might look at her like a stranger, made her heart feel as though it was already breaking in two. Back when she first met Bucky, when he was still the Soldier, he was like some kind of feral animal, scared and alone, but dangerous and Alex had taken him in and helped him to remember the man he had once been.  
  
The problem was she didn’t know whether she could do it again. It would be too painful, if it worked at all. For all she knew this time could be permanent and there would be no way of getting Bucky back.  
  
But even with all that weighed against them, Alex would wait as long as it took to get Bucky home, and memory or no memory, she’d love him.   
  
  
“Alex, wake up...”  
  
She hadn’t even realised she’d dropped off to sleep when Steve was shaking her awake again. “Hey, Fury’s got a lock on him.” He spoke softly as her eyes began to open.  
  
“W-where is it?” Alex mumbled sleepily, sitting up.  
  
Steve crouched down in front of her, “About an hour away, Fury wants us in the air ASAP.”  
  
She bolted out of her bed suddenly and Steve put an arm out to grab her before she could rush past, “Alex, just stop for a second, go drink some coffee and make sure you’re awake. We need to be alert for this.”  
  
“You said Fury wants us gone ASAP!”  
  
“We can spare five minutes to get ready. It’s gonna take a little while for him to get everything prepared to go anyway.” He looked at her like there was something more he wanted to say.  
  
“What?”  
  
Steve sighed, “What if he doesn’t remember us?”   
  
The way his eyes shone and voice broke as he spoke made him seem so vulnerable, Alex couldn’t help but pull him into a hug - she never knew him before he was Captain America, but right now she could imagine just what little Steve Rogers was like and behind his enhanced physique, he was still that little guy with a big heart that everyone always talked about.   
  
“Then we help him to.”  
  
  
The plane journey was quiet, Sam and Steve sat at the front by the windows, the captain’s eyes never leaving the ground below, anyone with eyes could see that he was trying to plan this whole thing out in his head. But Alex from her seat near the back knew that a team like Bucky and Crossbones would be far too unpredictable for them to even entertain the idea of a plan.   
  
“Do you have an exact location, Nick, or am I just circling the block until the rest of you decide to turn up?” Tony’s disjointed voice came through the radio.   
  
Fury rolled his eyes, “This situation is too dangerous for you to go in alone, Stark.”  
  
“So hurry up and get your asses down here so the fun can start!”  
  
“Shut up, Stark.” Steve snapped, stunning everyone.  
  
Including Tony, “Get out the wrong side Spangles?”  
  
“This isn’t a game, Stark. We’re not here to have fun.”   
  
Either the captain’s words had silenced him or he’d simply stopped trying, but they didn’t hear another peep out of Stark until they arrived at there destination. He joined the others on the ground, and looking around, Alex prayed that Crossbones wouldn’t have anyone else besides Bucky with him. Their little team versus the two of them was going to be difficult enough as it was, put any other soldiers in the mix would definitely tip the odds in favour of their opposition.  
  
“Where are they?” Sam asked in a low voice, as though talking loudly would alert them to their presence more than the fact they stood in the open.  
  
The sound of footsteps could be heard from all around and Alex could see that her worst fears were being realised. Circling around the four were a number of men dressed head to toe in black, some with guns, some without - though being free of firearms didn’t make them seem any less threatening. A heavy hand landed on her shoulder.  
  
“Time to put that new superhero bod to use,” Stark said, before everything snapped into action.  
  
Tony and Sam took to the air while Steve and Alex braced themselves for the fight on the ground. She had to admit she was a little relieved to see that those with guns seemed to have them trained on the men above.   
  
Alex was suddenly glad of the training she’d done with Steve back at the base, as these guys weren’t taking it easy on her. She quickly dodged the punches, before dropping to the floor and sweeping her leg to knock as many as men down as possible. Once they were down she was easily able to knock them out cold.  
  
Between the four of them they managed to take down all the men and soon they were surrounded by soldiers laid out on the floor. Tony and Sam returned to the ground, and while they were catching their breath, Alex noticed something in the distance. She slapped Steve in the arm, “They’re here.”  
  
The team of four stood to attention, shoulder to shoulder, as Crossbones strolled toward them, Bucky just behind him, his face so badly cut and bruised it made Alex wince.   
  
“Very entertaining,” Crossbones’ rough voice was followed by a chuckle, “I have to say I’m impressed. I didn’t expect that to be over so quickly.”  
  
“Not man enough to face us yourself?” Steve scowled, his jaw tight.  
  
Alex wasn’t paying attention to their exchange, as she couldn’t take her eyes off Bucky. She was trying to work out whether he could remember her, but it was difficult when he seem to be refusing to look at her. _What were you expecting? He’d look into your eyes and run over, scooping you up in his arms like the end of some sappy rom-com?_  
  
Crossbones raised his gun and Alex tightened the grip on her own, rage building inside of her. She made a move to step toward him, but Steve grabbed her arm, pulling her back again. She shot him a glare, but he shook his head almost imperceptibly.   
  
“That’s right, Alex, do as the captain says. Or I’ll have to let this guy off his leash,” he gestured to Bucky, “I think you’ve met before.”  
  
“What’s your end game here?” Steve spoke, anger radiating through his tone, before Alex had a chance to say anything. “Why do all this?”  
  
Crossbones took a step toward the captain, “I want to knock off your pedestal, Rogers. Nothing but a glorified science experiment and the world labels you a hero.”  
  
Steve couldn’t shake the fact that there was something familiar to the way Crossbones spoke and the way he held himself. “So why not make this one on one?” Alex looked to Tony and Sam, but the faces of the rest of the team were just as clueless as her own. “Me and you, that’s what you want, right?”  
  
“Well, as much as I would love to, I think, since the gang’s all here everyone should get involved.”  
  
Shots rang out and immediately Sam and Tony were back in the air, Steve pulling Alex towards him to shield them both. She felt the shield vibrate as the bullets bounce off. They broke apart again, and Alex aimed her gun squarely towards where Crossbones had been only to find he was no longer there. Looking over to Steve, she saw that he too was searching.   
  
“On your left!” Sam called out from above them, and instinctively Steve tossed his shield, hitting Crossbones in the shoulder.   
  
Seeing that he’d got the situation under control, Alex instead turned to look for Bucky - he was busy with Sam and Tony, though she noticed that each time he shot, the bullet would miss. For a master assassin he was having something of an off day. Suddenly a hand grasped her ankle - looking down she saw the bruised and bloody face of one of Crossbones’ soldiers staring back at her, his gun raised weakly from the ground.  
  
The shot rang out to a deafening silence.  
  
It hit her right in the chest - if it weren’t her own fatality, Alex would’ve been impressed that a semi-conscious man was able to shot with such accuracy. But, it was and she went down, hitting the concrete below.  
  
“Alex!”  
  
She knew that voice. She loved that voice.  
  
Then Bucky was in sight, slamming a metallic fist into the soldier’s face rendering him once again unconscious, if not dead. Then he kneeling beside her, pressing a hand to the wound that was rapidly losing blood. “You remember,” she smiled weakly, beginning to feel the blood loss.  
  
“Yeah,” he grinned, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I needed to get back to you, and Steve. So, now I need you to hold on, okay?”  
  
“So demanding…” Alex tried to smile - she could feel herself slipping away and if she was going, she was going with sass.  
  
As Bucky held on to Alex, it was like a light went out in her eyes. They were glassy, like a doll and when he felt at her neck there was nothing. She was gone, and just like that it was as if there was no air. Sam and Tony took an arm each, hauling Bucky to his feet. Shaking, his eyes, blurring with tears, fell on his real hand, covered in the still-warm blood of the woman he loved.  
  
“You,” Bucky’s voice was low and dangerous, his eyes cast down. Crossbones and Steve had paused for a moment, circling each other like predator and prey, though none could tell who was what. But right now,  it was Bucky they needed to be worried about. “You told me she’d be safe if I helped you!”   
  
He pulled his metallic limb from Tony’s grip, and pushed Sam aside, stalking over to Crossbones. Bucky grabbed his neck with one strong hand, slowly tightening his grip.   
  
“I said  _I_ wouldn’t hurt her, Barnes,” He laughed breathlessly under the helmet, “I never said she wouldn’t get hurt.”  
  
Bucky squeezed a little tighter, but felt something pressing into his vest. Glancing down, Crossbones had his gun ready to shoot, “Do it,” Bucky growled, “It doesn’t matter anymore.”  
  
“You might not care about your life, Barnes. But what about his?” He moved the gun so it pointed at Steve.  
  
Bucky looked to his friend, and in that moment, it wasn’t the superhero Captain America looking back, it was the little guy from Brooklyn who just wanted to fight, the guy who Bucky always saved and the one he would always save. And though Steve seemed to support him snapping this guy’s neck, Bucky couldn’t risk that it would get his best friend killed. He couldn’t lose someone else.  
  
Slowly, he released the grip he had on Crossbones’ neck and dropping the man to crumple on the ground. Bucky turned, walking back over to stand side by side with his friends once again. He dropped his head, taking a deep breath as Sam rested a comforting hand on his shoulder.  
  
He didn’t expect to hear a gunshot.  
  
Immediately his eyes went to Steve, but when he saw that he was fine and heard the cries of pain from Crossbones, only one question remained - who fired the gun?  
  
His eyes scanned the area, but he wasn’t prepared for seeing who the shooter was. Bucky was sure he had to be hallucinating as right there, just a few feet away from them Alex stood, gun raised, very much alive and completely unscathed. _What the hell?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BAM. :D


	24. Chapter 24

The journey back was tense to say the least. They were able to knock Crossbones out pretty easily, Fury sedated him as soon as they returned to the plane. He didn’t question why Bucky was with them, but he was sure that the talk would come as soon as they returned. Alex, still covered in blood, sat away from everyone else, a look of deep concentration on her face and though Bucky refused to talk to her right now, he couldn’t stop his eyes from straying in her direction.  
  
When Alex was seemingly resurrected, Steve told him that she and Banner had perfected the serum to the point where she’d allowed him and Stark to inject her with it. And while he was glad that it appeared to have saved her life, Bucky was furious that she would risk her life like that after everything that’d happened.  
  
Aside from that, they all looked like they’d been beaten half to death, Steve and Bucky more than anyone - it was clear that Crossbones didn’t pull his punches. Sam and Tony took a man each, helping them inside to be looked over by the doctors and Fury called some agents over quickly to drag Crossbones inside, to where Alex didn’t know, but as long as it was away from her and preferably sealed shut, she didn’t really care right now.   
  
She followed behind the group, heading straight to Banner - if anyone could find out what was going on it would be him.   
  
  
“So what? You’re just never gonna speak to her again?” Steve said from his seat opposite Bucky, as the doctor tended to the cuts and bruises on his face.  
  
Bucky didn’t say anything to answer his friend, but he did glare at him, wincing a little at the rubbing alcohol that was being used to clean his wounds.  
  
Steve had to admit that seeing Bucky this way caused him more pain than his own wounds ever would. He’d always been the one that got beat up when they were younger - was this what it was like for Bucky to see him then? Suddenly he knew exactly why his friend had always intervened. “Not talking to me either, huh?”  
  
“I don’t want to do this right now, Steve,” Bucky groaned, his brows knitting together, “It’s been kind of a long day.”  
  
“I won’t argue with you there,” the captain pulled off his gloves, clenching and unclenching his fists, which had begun to bruise a little, immediately drawing the attention of the doctor who abandoned his face to quickly wrap up his hand in bandages. “It’s good to have you back, Buck.”  
  
He gave a small smile, “It’s good to be back.”  
  
Steve stood, stretching out his aching muscles and hissing a little in pain, but he batted away the seemly ever-present doctor who tried to get him to sit down again. “I’m fine.”  
  
“With all due respect, Captain Rogers--”  
  
“Son, just don’t. I’m ninety-five years old, if I say I’m fine, you better take me at my word.” Nodding, his doctor scurried off, leaving only Bucky’s own doctor in the room with them, who looked more nervous by the second. Steve walked over to his friend, resting a hand gently on his shoulder, “Just talk to her.”  
  
And with that, he left, not giving Bucky the chance to say anything in return. He huffed a little, causing the doctor to tense, clearly expecting him to flip out and attack - obviously he was still the ‘Winter Soldier’ to a lot of people at S.H.I.E.L.D. That realisation hurt more than he expected it to.  
  
“Okay…so explain to me exactly what happened?” Banner looked at Alex carefully as she sat before him, like he expected to just see what was wrong.   
  
She sighed, thinking back, “Well, I was looking for Bucky and then one of Crossbones guys, he…uh, shot me. Here.” She gestured toward the hole in her shirt, surrounded by the reddish-brown of dried blood. “And then I was on the ground, everything went dark…and quiet…”  
  
“Then?”  
  
She looked across the room to Sam, “Bucky felt for a pulse, there was nothing,” he filled in the blanks.  
  
“Then I was awake again and I felt completely fine. Better, actually.”  
  
Banner noted this down, chewing on his thumbnail as he mulled over the evidence. “Give me your hand for a second, will you?”  
  
Brow furrowed, Alex hesitantly held out her hand to the doctor. He took it, looking it over before picking something up off his desk and before she had a chance to object, Banner had taken a scalpel, slicing into her palm.   
  
“What the hell are you doing?!” Alex shouted, trying to pull her hand back, but the doctor’s grip was  tight. “Hey! Let g…”  
  
Her words died in her mouth when she saw that the cut began to close itself. Retrieving a paper towel, Banner wiped the blood away and Alex could see…well, she couldn’t see anything - that was kind of the problem.  
  
“Wh- what was that?”  
  
“That, Alex, was what happened to you today. Well, on a small scale anyway.” Her face was still a picture of confusion, so he elaborated. “It appears that the serum has given you some kind of rapid cellular regeneration.”  
  
He looked elated, but Alex couldn’t find any words to reply. So Sam, equally confused, stepped up to the plate, “Laymen’s terms please, we’re not all scientists here.”  
  
“The serum accelerated Alex’s ability to heal herself.”  
  
“Well, that’s gonna be useful,” Sam grinned, “Looks like you got your own superpower.”  
  
Still, Alex was silent, trying to process exactly what this meant. Several times her mouth opened, but closed again like she couldn’t find the right words, but eventually she settled on, “So, uh, I--I can’t die?”  
  
“I can’t say for sure without further testing, but I wouldn’t go thinking you’re immortal or anything just yet.”   
  
“Y’know I can’t remember a time when you didn’t have to test me for something,” Alex gave a miniscule smile, trying to lighten the mood a little, but she couldn’t get past the fact that the serum had altered her genetic code so much that something like this had happened.  
  
  
Bucky, was cleaned up a little more, his cuts covered up and treated. He still looked as though he had just got out of a fist fight, but being back here made him feel infinitely better. Now, as he looked through the window of Banner’s lab, he saw the doctor talking with Sam and Alex, and he wanted so badly to be able to go in there and hold her, so scared that all this was just a dream and any second he would wake up back in that room, chained up and bloody. But he didn’t want to speak to her if he was angry, and right now there was still an undercurrent of irrational rage in his mind.   
  
He was too lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realise that Alex had seen him standing there and came to join him outside the room. “Hey,” she said softly, giving him a tight smile.  
  
Bucky nodded, absentmindedly chewing on his thumbnail. He thought about speaking but there was nothing he could think to say that wouldn’t sound bitter in some way.   
  
The two of them just stared at each other in silence, before Bucky turned sharply on his heels, walking quickly in the opposite direction. What he hadn’t expected was Alex to follow, “What is wrong with you? We just took on Crossbones to get you back and you can’t even manage at least a ‘hello’ in return?”   
  
He kept walking, but she wasn’t about to let him get away, and breaking into a jog, Alex managed to get in front of him, however Bucky just turned to go back in the other direction. Seeing a door to their left, Alex grabbed his flesh arm and pulled him inside, shutting the door behind them and locking it. Bucky had to admit he was a little shocked at the new strength she possessed. Alex looked at him expectantly.  
  
“Hello.” He mumbled, then tried to push past, but was unable to when she moved in front of the lock. “What do you want from me?”  
  
“I want to know what’s wrong! Or at the very least I want to know that you’re okay - you look like you went about a hundred rounds with Mike Tyson for fuck’s sake!”  
  
Bucky huffed, lowering his head a little, more out of shame than anything else. He didn’t want her to see him like this. “I’m fine. The doctor checked me over.”  
  
Alex nodded, “Okay, good. Now are you gonna tell me what your problem is?”  
  
He paced the room a little, it was small so he couldn’t get that far, but he hoped that it would at least calm him down. He was wrong.  
  
“You just couldn’t leave it alone - could you?”   
  
His voice wasn’t loud, but Alex noted the slight venomous tone, “Leave what?” Suddenly it clicked. “You mean the serum?” The pursed lips gave her all the response she needed, “I was all ready to never work on it again - I  thought about what you said - everyone who ever worked on it died! Of course I didn’t want to be the next one to go. But then you disappeared, and when we found out where you were, I knew that there was only one thing I could do to help.”  
  
“So, injecting yourself with something that almost killed you before was meant to be helping me?!” Right now it was difficult to know who was more outraged.   
  
“Jesus, Bucky, I didn’t want to let the others go in there alone - it was my fault you left in the first place! I wanted to be able to hold my own for once without anyone having to worry about me. There wasn’t enough time to train me up, we didn’t know how long you had! Crossbones could’ve had anything planned for you!”  
  
Bucky’s jaw was tight, but he kept his eyes down, “You knew how I felt about you having that serum.”  
  
“Well, newsflash, Barnes! You’re not my damn keeper! It was my decision to make. And besides, I had Bruce and Tony here to double and triple check everything. They never would’ve let it go ahead if they thought that there was more chance of the serum killing me than helping me.”   
  
Alex slid herself down the door to sit - she would’ve moved to an actual seat, but she didn’t want to risk moving so Bucky could leave. She scrubbed a hand over her face, sighing loudly. “Look, Bucky, I’m not perfect and I’ve never claimed to be. But, I’m also not dead because of that serum, however reckless it might have been for me to use it.”  
  
Finally his eyes met hers again and just looking at the raw emotion there, Alex’s heart was breaking. He looked so scared, even now with her sitting there in front of him, it was as though he was reliving that moment of losing her all over again. “I wanted so badly to get back to you…” he voice was small when he finally started to speak, “…and then I lost you.”  
  
“But you didn’t.”  
  
They didn’t know how long they sat there in silence, neither moving. But Alex couldn’t escape the one question that played on her mind.  
  
“Why were you working with him?”  
  
Bucky’s head shot up, “I wasn’t…not really, anyway. He said he’d hurt you if I didn’t join him.”  
  
“You killed so many S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, to what - protect me? Get back to me? Was it really worth it?”  
  
“I needed to find a way back.”  
  
“People died!” When he dared to look at Alex, she didn’t seem angry, just confused. But her eyes didn’t meet his, she was looking at the ground. “One life in exchange for god knows how many others?”  
  
He shook his head, she didn’t understand, “It wasn’t just one life--”  
  
“They had families, Bucky. I don’t,” Alex’s voice was a whisper, “That choice, it wasn’t yours to make.”  
  
Bucky got down to her level, wanting to take her hand, wanting her to look at him, but he wouldn’t push. “In that moment, chained in that room, I was so close to giving up - he gave me a choice, Alex. I chose to live. I chose for you to live.” Tears welled up in his eyes as he finally managed to grab one of her hands, though she didn’t look up. “In that moment it _was_ my choice, and I’d make it again. Because you got to live.”  
  
A tear fell onto her cheek. He reached out tentatively to wipe it away, and when she didn’t resist him, he cupped her face gently in his hands, her eyes finally meeting his again. His voice was broken and small, “Alex, I’d choose you over everyone. Even if it meant you hated me. Because with or without me, you deserve a life, and I won‘t let any one take that away from you.”   
  
She let go a shuddering breath, tears streaming down her face, and in that moment, feeling his own cheeks dampen, Bucky didn’t care about boundaries. He pulled here shaking form to his chest, cradling her in his arms as she cried. Alex didn‘t know what to feel, but right now she needed Bucky to be the one to comfort her. Any other talk could come later.  
  
  



	25. Chapter 25

‘I’d kill for you’  
  
It’s one of those things that sounds really sweet; when you hear people say it in movies or songs, or you read it in books, or even if someone says it to you. It makes you feel loved. But deep down, it’s the kind of thing you hope people are lying about. Because hearing Bucky say that he’d killed those people because he loved her, and that he’d do it again…well, Alex didn’t know how to feel about that.  
  
Right now she was hollow, thoughts rattling around in her head while guilt ate away at her insides. Bucky was holding her still, while her sobs got steadily quieter, and it didn’t seem as though he was ever going to let her go. Alex had to admit she enjoyed being close to him again, which only served to make her feel more confused.  
  
She pulled away from him, and though at first Bucky’s arms resisted, he let her go and watched as Alex put some distance between them, shuffling across the floor to sit opposite him. Bucky saw how she gnawed at her thumbnail unable to look him in the eye, all the while a voice in his head screamed, _she’s pulling away from you._ But when he looked closer, it was so much worse. Alex looked scared of him.  
  
 _What did you expect? It was only a matter of time…_ that same voice taunted him.  
  
“Alex?” he whispered, as though she were some kind of wild animal that he didn’t want to frighten off. “Please…please don’t be scared of me.”  
  
Immediately her eyes shot up to meet his, and she shook her head a little. “I’m not…Bucky, I love you,” his eyes lit up, though her expression remained passive, “But, I don’t think I’m good for you.”  
  
“What?”   
  
“Since we met, how many people have you killed because of me?”   
  
He didn’t answer, she didn’t expect him to, but they both knew. And the question just hung heavy in the space between them, Bucky knew where she was going with this and he wished that he could say that he was sorry and that he could stop that impulse he always had, but he’d be lying. If Alex’s life was put in danger, he would always do whatever it took to keep her safe.  
  
“You were all I had…” he whispered after they’d sat for a long time in silence. “I couldn’t let them take you away.”  
  
“I know. I‘ve been there too, remember?”  
  
“Please don’t leave.”  
  
 _I won’t._  
  
She wanted to say it, it was on the tip of her tongue. But, she couldn’t. “I just need some time.”   
  
Alex got to her feet and so did Bucky. Slowly, she closed the distance between them, walking to the door; but before she reached the handle, Bucky caught her hand. He spun her around gently, so they were face to face, and it was only now he could see the tears in her eyes that mirrored his own. He raised his flesh hand, brushing some hair away from her face, revelling in the feeling of her soft skin as the image of her now imprinted itself in his memory.   
  
“I love you.” He choked out, unable to hold back his sob.  
  
She gave him a tight smile and getting on her tiptoes, Alex pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, “This isn’t goodbye,” she murmured against his skin, “We just need to take a breath.”  
  
“I don’t know if I can.”  
  
Getting back on her feet Alex took Bucky’s face in her hands, “You’re Bucky Barnes. You can do this.”   
  
He gave her a small, unconvinced smile, wrapping his hand around hers, desperate to keep some kind of contact with her before she slipped away from him. But then she did just that and as much as he tried to hang on, Bucky had to let her leave and when the door shut behind her, all he could do was rest his head against the wood.  
  
Alex walked down the hall in a daze, an ache in her heart the size of Texas.   
  
It wasn’t long before she heard the sound of feet pounding door the corridor behind her.   
  
“Alex!” Turning, she watched Bucky come to a halt in front of her. Alex opened her mouth to say something, but he just held up a hand to silence her. “I didn’t come after you before and I lost you for a year. I can’t let that happen again.”  
  
She tried again to speak but Bucky needed to get this out and he wasn’t about to stop now, “And I understand what you’re doing, you think this is gonna help me, but it’s not. We need to be apart for a little while to find our feet, I get it, just promise me you won’t leave. Because I don’t think I could handle it.”  
  
Alex nodded mutely, unsure of how her voice would sound if she answered, it took a lot for him to come after her and if anything she was surprised. Bucky leaned in slowly, pressing his lips lightly to hers, before pulling back again. “We’ll be together again.”  
  
At this point Alex didn’t know which of them he was trying to reassure.  
  
  
Steve, like Fury was eager to see who was under Crossbones’ mask, to rest easy now that they’d have a face to put to all this destruction, but they had promised to wait for Bucky and Alex, arguably the two people most affected by his tyranny. The door finally opened behind them and the captain couldn’t help but notice two sets of bloodshot eyes, he’d expected that their reunion would be somewhat tearful, but it also didn’t escape his notice that the space between them seem to have grown. Steve knew better than to bring it up now, but he wouldn’t let it lie later.  
  
“He said anything?” Alex asked, eyeing the man sat on the other sided of the two way mirror.  
  
Fury shook his head, “Nothing since we got him in there.” He clapped Steve on the back, “Get in there Rogers, this is yours. And let’s get someone to take the mask away, it’s pisses me off.”  
  
The captain gave a firm nod, walking past Fury and into the interrogation room, the other three watching on through the glass. An agent followed Rogers inside, taking the other route around the desk, ensuring Crossbones was properly shackled before they began to remove his helmet. Alex didn’t envy this guy’s dressing time in the morning, everything seemed to be double and triple fastened. Other agents had already removed the rest of his suit, and now his skin was visible, badly burned and scared - if it were anyone else, Alex would have sympathised, but not with him.  
  
Eventually the agent had rid Crossbones of his helmet and before Steve sat a man. Just a man. His figure wasn’t so threatening anymore, his build no longer imposing as it had been. Alex heard what sounded like a low growl come from Fury, and curiously she turned to him. “What?”  
  
“He was one of ours,” he spat bitterly, not once taking his from the man in the other room. The director offered up no more and so Alex turned her attention to Bucky. He too had his eyes firmly glued on Crossbones, but his look was different. It was as though he was memorising the face of the man who had tormented him for so long, etching it in his memory so he had somewhere to firmly direct his hatred. She only looked away when the sound of a voice in the other room forced her attention back.  
  
“You really don’t recognise me, do you Rogers?” Crossbones smiled, a throaty chuckle sounding from him. Steve’s brow furrowed, “I should’ve let them shoot you in the street like the stray animal you are.”  
  
This seemed to make something click in the captain’s mind. “Rumlow?” he asked in a disbelieving whisper.  
  
“The one and the same, Captain.”  
  
Steve sat, shaking his head, eyeing the man opposite him, “You just couldn’t stand that Hydra was over. Had to keep it alive with this ridiculous killing spree.”  
  
Rumlow leant as far across the table as his shackles would allow, “That’s where you’re wrong, Rogers. Hydra’s never going to be gone while he’s still out there.” His eyes looked to the glass, and though it was impossible for him to know where any of them stood on the other side, he seemed to lock on to Bucky. “Your pal’s still one of us, however much he thinks he can fight it. You’re what Hydra made you, Barnes, and nothing’s gonna change that. Not even her.”  
  
Alex heard the tell-tale sound of Bucky’s arm recalibrating, his fist tightening into a ball as if he was just going to smash through the glass and beat Rumlow to death. She rested a hand gently on his shoulder and left it there briefly as she waited for him calm down. “He’s just trying to get at you.”  
  
“I know,” he snapped, before letting out a deep sigh and turning to face her. “I know,” he said, more reserved this time, a weak smile on his lips to reassure her.  
  
“Take all the shots you want, Rumlow,” Steve countered, his tone more measured than Alex had expected. “Because at the end of this, you go into a cell. And we all go on with our lives while you rot away.”  
  
“You think I’m the end of it? There’s always gonna be someone getting at you, and they’ll always be one of us wanting him back. It’s the way of world.”  
  
Steve scoffed at his attempt, “We’re done here.”   
  
The captain stood, exiting the interrogation room as the guards prepared to move Rumlow down to the cells. “This ain’t over, Rogers! It never will be!” He shouted as the guards dragged him away.  
  
“That was intense.” Alex said after a moment, Bucky sighing heavily beside her.  
  
“Hmm.” Fury moved to sit down, “But Rumlow can make his empty threats from a cell, where I’m never gonna have to hear him.”  
  
“What he said, about Hydra--”  
  
“There hasn’t been any other movement, Alex,” Steve said reassuringly from the doorway, “Cross-- Rumlow was the only one out there.”  
  
She nodded, locking eyes with Bucky. Alex gave him a small smile and though he returned it, there was worry in his eyes and his left hand was still curled into a fist at his side.   
  
“Gentlemen, could you give me and Alex a moment please?” Fury asked, and the super soldiers exchanged glances.  
  
Bucky spoke up first, “Why?”  
  
Fury raised a brow, “If I wanted you  to know that, I wouldn’t be asking you to leave, Barnes.”  
  
Steve managed to grab Bucky’s arm before he did something stupid, “We’ll be outside.”  
  
Nick waited for the door to close before he spoke again, “Alex, take a seat.”  
  
“What’s this about?”  
  
“I’d like to talk to you about the Avengers Initiative…”  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH YEAH! AVENGERS HERE WE COME :D


	26. Chapter 26

Alex stared blankly at the director, "I'm not sure I qualify."

"If I say you qualify, you qualify. That's pretty much my job." She still looked unconvinced, so he continued, "The serum you were injected with gave you the ability to heal - correct?"

"Banner's still trying to figure that out."

"So, for argument's sake let's say 'yes'. That ability is something we could use on our side."

"'Use'?"

"Are you gonna dissect everything I say?"

Alex laughed, "Look, I just don't think I'm ready to join your super squad," she stood, "Thanks for the offer."

Turning to leave, she was stopped by Nick speaking up again, "The thing is, Alex, no one's ever ready. But when the time comes to fight - you do. That's what the team's about." Alex faced him again, "Romanoff and Rogers are training some new recruits, you should join them. You never know, you might pick up a few things."

"I get it. Three super soldiers are better than one, right?"

"Is that a yes?"

"It's a maybe."

Alex walked to the door again, opening it wide, "I'll let Romanoff know you'll be stopping by," Nick said, ruining any hope of her being able to get past Bucky and Steve outside without questioning. The door shut behind her, the sound magnified by the confused silence of the men in the hallway.

"Who's Romanoff?" Bucky asked.

"She's one of Fury's agents and part of my team," Steve answered, "Black Widow."

Alex saw as Bucky winced a little at the name, but decided not to press him; there were things in his past as the Winter Soldier that he didn't want to share and she imagined that this was probably one of them. "She's gonna train me."

Steve beamed, "You're joining the team?"

"Don't get too excited, Cap, nothing's set in stone. I'm just training."

Expecting to find that Bucky was going to be pissed, Alex was yet to meet his eye, but when she eventually felt brave enough she instead saw that even he had a small smile on his face, "Welcome aboard."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a really small update - This is the end of this part of the story, but Alex and Bucky will return in 'Divided', which will lead us into Civil War territory. I've also only just realised that I've never given Alex a last name - so may I reintroduce you to ALEX LOCKHART (*face palms for going 40 chapters without mentioning that*) Sorry about that guys XD


End file.
